"Messed about from the start to now"

Went to GP 7 months ago with anxiety. Urgent referral to mental health team, and put on medication. 

Mental health team phoned, did an initial assessment and told me I wasn’t urgent per there standards and gave me three options: 1. Mental health nurse, 2. Steps to Wellness, 3. CBT. Told me steps to wellness would be best for me, said waiting time was less and the steps to wellness was based on CBT. I selected Steps to Wellness based on this recommendation.

Three months ago I attended 6 counselling with a mental health charity. I felt like I was in a worse situation than when I started it. Added depression to go with the anxiety. GP upped the dose of the medication.

Two months ago Steps to wellness contacted me, did an assessment, and told me they didn’t have a group for my specific type on anxiety. Said the generalised anxiety disorder group would work for me. Put me on waiting list for that group. 

One month ago the GP added a new medication. 

I attended the first group this week. At end of the group I told the instructors that it was wrong. They got the person who assessed me to call me back. I explained this group was wrong for me. They had me do another questionnaire, and low and behold - she spoke to her manager and recommended counselling or CBT. I already told her I had counselling and was worse after it than before. I selected CBT, and initially was suggested I attend the group in the mean time while waiting on the CBT. But that wasn’t actually an option as they had to discharge me before the referral to CBT. 

I now am on another waiting list for CBT, which will be four months minimum. I explained to her I have been waiting and I need help now. I am missing work, breaking down crying multiple times a day, obsessing on my trauma. She said I chose CBT over the counselling- when I told her on two separate occasions that I had already done counselling and it did not work. Was I suppose to try again for it to not work…again? She asked if I thought CBT would help. I told her honestly no. She offered to cancel the referral, I said no. I need help. 

Felt near enough pushed to choose Steps to Wellness when it wasn’t suitable for my needs, and the most she could offer was, sorry you feel that way…we wouldn’t have known steps to wellness group wouldn’t have worked until you tried it…and do you want to make a complaint? What good does that do me? She said she was trying to help. And that’s fine, maybe she was. But she didn’t help. 

Only thing left was to be told to go back to GP if I’m in urgent need for help. 7 months I have been asking for help. And in that 7 months I have yet to actually receive any. I’m at the back of the queue for CBT when I should have been told 5 months ago that that was the best option. 

In my opinion the entire service is a joke. 

Like hitting your head off a brick wall. 

I have been unwell for 7 months now. I have been managing for 7 months. I can’t keep going the way I have been. I need help now.