"Pregnancy Loss"

After having private IVF my partner and I successfully conceived our first baby. My GP referred me to the Early Pregnancy Unit (EPU) at approximately 5 weeks to organise an early scan due to our history. I called the EPU to arrange my appointment and spoke with a nurse. The nurse upset me on the phone by telling me to call back when I had a strong positive test, I reported that I had two very strong lines and that my pregnancy had been confirmed via HCG bloods. I was told that two lines did not mean my pregnancy was viable. Albeit true, this comment was unnecessary and not what an already anxious patient needed to hear at that time. I was asked to call back in a week and a scan would be arranged. 

I called back and spoke with Selena who arranged my scan for my 7th week. My partner and I attended the EPU for the scan and our care within the unit was excellent. We got to see our baby and a heartbeat was visualised. We left with information on how to register the pregnancy with the midwives. 

On a Friday, at 9 + 3 weeks I started having some back pain and light cramping. I was not overly concerned as I had been experiencing some aches and pains up until this point and I was not bleeding. As I was out visiting family, I arranged a private scan (on Saturday) and I was advised that they could not confirm my babies heartbeat and they recommended I attend my local EPU for a scan. I called the EPU and was told they could not see me until Wednesday for a scan, but to not lose hope as private scans can be poor quality and may be wrong. The nurse apologised for the wait and said I would be called if there was a cancellation space. I can only describe the four day wait as emotional torture.

On Wednesday my partner and I attended the EPU and it was confirmed that we had lost the baby. The care and respect we were given when in the unit was 10/10, from the nursing auxiliary, to the nurse, to the sonographer. We cannot fault anyone who cared for us that day. I was given options about how to proceed and I chose the surgical route, but was saddened to hear that I had to wait until Monday to have the procedure. I understand why and accept that, however no one can prepare or support you with the fact that I had to carry my dead baby inside me for over a week. Surely there can be a better way of managing this for the woman, making it quicker, not having her sit and hope that she doesn't miscarry naturally as she can't mentally face it. I spent those days in between terrified I would start bleeding, but thankfully I didn't. 

On the Monday my partner and I arrived at the gynae ward for 8am as requested. I rang the bell and we were let onto the ward. I was greeted by a member of staff who had no clue who I was, why I was there and where I was going. I do not understand why this is, as staff should have had a 7am shift handover and been prepared for the day ahead and who was coming in, etc. We were bumbled into a side room and left for a while. I felt abandoned and this made me even more anxious about the day ahead. 

A nurse then came in and checked who I was and confirmed I was in for a D & C. I was introduced to a student nurse who took over the majority of my care, I cannot recall his name, but I just want to say he was fantastic and a credit to the profession. I was disappointed that the other nurse never introduced herself and neither did she acknowledge why we were there. I was astonished that no one spoke about why we were there, other than the registrar when he consented me for surgery. Our baby felt like it didn't matter and it was the big pink elephant in the room. Why couldn't someone have said straight off the bat "hi my name is xxx I will be your nurse for today, I am sorry that you have had to be here today and I will take care of you throughout this and try to make it as easy a day for you both as possible", or something to that effect. Instead I had no introduction and no acknowledgement which just made me feel small and my baby even smaller. 

I was taken to theatre and my care within that department was fantastic. Upon my return to the ward I was looked after and the student nurse continued to be great with us. I declined histology on my babies remains and wished to take them away with me for a private cremation. This appeared to cause a drama in the background as signatures were needed and I had the registrar come and explain to me the 'issues' with not having histology completed, of which I was fully informed and happy to decline. There was then confusion regarding the anti-D injection. I asked the nurse why I needed it and she was unable to give me a clear answer. I found this concerning, if you are giving a medication to a patient, you should be able to explain what it is for so the patient can make informed consent. This took 1.5hrs to be given and I still wasn't given a clear answer. Overall between the injection and obtaining the remains, I was kept longer than I feel was necessary and I just wanted to go home.