"I was made to feel worthless. Judged"

I was accepted for ivf after a long wait. It was a wonderful feeling. Progress was good. The receptionist could be hard to deal with, however for the end goal I would have answered to the devil himself. 

Both myself and my partner attended. We gave the blood samples needed.  We both got scans.  We did what we had to do. 

I got my meds and was given 6-7 internal scans, to see if my womb lining was thick enough. This is where it went wrong. 

I finally achieved the thickness needed and could have cried with relief after getting the hormones medicines continually upped to achieve this. After my latest scan I was weighed.  

Now it’s not the fact that I was a couple of numbers over the ancient usage of what I believe is the most judgmental tool in the nhs. It was the delivery.  

I was made to feel worthless. Judged. And really really let down. The nurse was completely indifferent to how they were delivering this news. There was no sympathy or understanding that I could be badly bloated (I was) by pumping hormones into my body. Or that I really didn’t have a lot of weight to lose, and that off course there was still light at the end of the tunnel. I was informed that I wouldn’t be able to carry a baby term. While I accept that certain factors are less than ideal, I do not think that would be the case, or that the member of staff knew this for a fact. They were cold. They were clinical. Highly judgmental. I walked away from the clinic that day sobbing. Did they inform me of the next steps? No. Did they inform me whether I should now go onto the hormone pessaries to relieve my body of said womb lining? Absolutely not. I felt like to them I was just an “obese” lady who did not deserve the chance to have a baby. Was there an apology that a mistake was made to why I was getting 2-3 highly intrusive ultrasounds a week before this news was delivered? Again no. 

I had to phone the next day to find out my next steps. Was I off the list? I spoke with the receptionist who informed me that everyone was far too busy to speak to me.  I was assured I would receive a call later on in the day to inform me of what I should do. This call did not happen until nearly 3 days later.  

Now I’m not silly, I know there’s got to be guidelines. Of course there has to be.  

It’s how it’s delivered. It was delivered with no compassion. No one apologised for the intrusive treatment given to me numerous times when there was going to be no end result.  

It felt really cruel and has had a really adverse effect on me that a more compassionate approach to these circumstance’s wouldn't have had. To be given a bit of understanding and maybe next steps would have made me feel so more reassured.  

It’s a really delicate/vulnerable time in most woman’s life and compassion and understanding, I feel would really be appreciated at this time, however this isn’t how some staff come across. 

A little more thought is needed into maybe making sure there are no hurdles in treatment for treatment to be paused on the whim of one staff member.  

Compassion. It’s a word I use a lot. Empathy. Be kind. No one knows what people are going through. Leaving a clinic in an emotional state, then having to drive home. Maybe staff need lessons on being more kind.  

Also can it be put out to the world that if I was paying for treatment, that my BMI would be fine? Why? If I wouldn’t carry a baby to term? Isn’t that a lot to put woman through? 

I hope this Care Opinion helps one poor woman who has the misfortune of having to attend a conception clinic, to be treated more kindly and that the treatment is not started until everything that needs to be in place is in place. This would stop a lot of woman going through the heartache I did.