"Left feeling broken after miscarriages and lack of empathy"

Dec 2023 I found out I was pregnant - we were so excited and had been trying for a family for a few months - sadly in Jan 24’ I was at home and started to bleed heavily with clots - reluctantly we called NHS 24 and they said - please make your way to A&E - this was a Saturday evening. Under instructions we attended A&E.

What happened afterwards I now realise has complete broken me, my confidence and ability to stick up for myself in a medical setting and also feel like I’m being heard and treated with empathy.

After being in A&E for hours, majority of my bleeding had increased and I had to sit in A&E actively miscarrying in front of everyone. I was shown no dignity - no grace, no compassion. I was left to lose my baby in front of strangers, alone.

Once triaged, I was given gown and my belongings were placed in a bag - I was put in a room next to resus with the bright light on and left the entire evening until around 0500/0600 until a doctor came to see me and explained they are waiting for the Early pregnancy dept to open. Up until then I simply had observations taken and failed blood attempts which left me covered in bruises.

My previous experience of the Early Pregnancy dept in QEUH has been unwelcoming and lacking a warmth and empathy I would have expected, so I was extremely anxious about going back to this dept. By the morning - I was wheeled around to Early Pregnancy where a porter informed a ward of nurses just starting their shifts who all turned around to me in a medical gown on a wheelchair and all looked at me until someone said -  we don’t have her on the list. Crying - people quietly spoke, staring and someone then a doctor will see you. I was in complete distress, overwhelming heartbreak. A doctor confirmed I had a miscarriage - told me next steps and was told to go home. I’m aware I was an early pregnancy and clinically there isn’t much they can do - but to be allowed to feel like I was almost an inconvenience was unacceptable.

The following month I successfully got pregnant again, we were overjoyed! Felt so lucky and again so excited! As I hadn’t had a period I was unable to date the pregnancy so we paid for a private scan around the 7/8 week mark to be sure - sadly the same fate had found me again, the member of staff apologised and said please attend the Early Pregnancy dept at QEUH asap as we believe your having a molar pregnancy.

The Early Pregnancy dept operates in appts which from previous appts I was aware of, but as the member of staff said, this needs to be reviewed asap please go when it opens. On arrival I saw the same nurse as literally only weeks before - who once I told them the circumstances they replied that I need an appt - we don’t do emergencies. I was completely stuck for words, could barely speak - the logic of having to go to A&E to once again sit until someone sent me back round to the dept I was already standing in, when a medical professional has already told me what they believe it to be - was incomprehensible to me. How could they be so cold? I found it so unhelpful, so detached.

I was sent home and told someone would phone me - I was contacted and asked to go to GRI for a scan - GRI were outstanding, kind, sat and offered information and expectations, discussed next steps, they spoke to us like they understood how heartbroken we were, they including their administration staff couldn’t of done more and also left us feeling like what we were feeling was valid.

After coming back to QEUH for my procedure and follow up I had to attend pre-op assessment at Early Pregnancy and once again to my disbelief I was met by the same selection of nurses who one of the q as the member of staff who turned us away the day before - they even said they recognised my face -  when I replied and said I was here previously trying to explain my situation, and then with a separate miscarriage, thinking it would generate an empathetic response - they didn’t even look at me. They said -  right, let’s get these bloods sorted.

They couldn’t get any blood and covered me in bruises and ended up getting someone else from the anaesthetist team - they sat down - and they saw how inconsolable I was, simply said - I’m so sorry for what you're going through. I completely broke in that member of staff's arms, it made me realise how poorly I was being treated.

My procedure/operation, ward and follow up was sufficient and I have no issues with my treatment other than the Early Pregnancy dept.

My fear is that after continuing to try for now nearly 2 years with no success - in the hopeful future I do become pregnant I will need to have early scans at QEUH in the Early pregnancy Dept - I am completely overwhelmed at the thought of it, I’m traumatised.

Just over a year on -I’ve ended up having to take time off work to actually process and work through how I felt during that time and my treatment. It broke me. It’s a small insignificant moment for them, they reduced me to nothing and have resulted in a long depression that I am now working my way out of. It takes seconds to remind the woman in-front of you that you see them, you are understanding and you are going to comfort them no matter the outcome. Be kind, show compassion, show empathy. Don’t be the reason someone isn’t able to move on or add to their trauma.