"The impact that language, empathy, and patient centred care can have"

I previously shared positive feedback celebrating the many staff who made our maternity experience safe, supportive, and empowering. However, not all interactions reflected the same standard of care and it feels important to highlight this also. These moments stood in stark contrast to the otherwise excellent care we received.

One such instance was my experience with triage, while receiving excellent care over the phone and once eventually seen in person. I did experience lengthy wait in a small, uncomfortable waiting area before being assessed, despite attending for additional pain relief while in labour. The lack of space, facilities, and comfort made the wait particularly difficult while managing contractions. I appreciate triage can be busy, but long waits in discomfort can greatly impact timely quality care. Quicker assessment and improved waiting facilities would make a meaningful difference. 

Another moment that left a lasting impression occurred when a midwife, who had not previously met or assessed me, strongly encouraged a specific intervention after I began to express my wish to explore options of a C section.

When I asked for their clinical reasoning, they replied -  I don’t want you to feel like you’re giving up.

After days in labour, this felt dismissive, judgmental, and frankly hurtful. I wasn’t giving up, I was making a carefully considered decision based on how I felt physically and how events were unfolding.

I had spent months preparing for labour — attending antenatal classes, engaging with midwives, consultant appointments to develop a flexible birth plan built on clinical guidance. But when it mattered most, those efforts felt overlooked. We were repeatedly encouraged towards interventions we had already explored and declined, with no meaningful discussion of clinical implications. It left me questioning the purpose of a birth plan if it wasn’t going to be actively acknowledged when making key decisions.

The comment about giving up didn’t just disregard my reasoning — it diminished the seriousness of major surgery. Words matter, and in that moment, they left me feeling unsupported and inadequate.

In the end, I had a C-section, and the surgical team later reassured me it was the right decision. But I believe the emotional exhaustion and confusion I felt in making a choice I had already prepared for was unnecessary and avoidable.

Another difficult moment came when a doctor discovered my waters hadn’t broken, carried out the procedure without any preparation or explanation. Though I had consented, the suddenness left me distressed and overwhelmed. Instead of empathy, I was met with a comment - Are you back in the room?

What may have been a routine procedure for the clinician was not routine for me. The lack of compassion, perspective, and any effort to preserve dignity was painfully clear to me.

Throughout this interaction, their manner felt dismissive, with responses that deflected or delayed our wishes, instead of fostering a supportive and open discussion about my care.

Despite these challenges, we remain deeply grateful to the many staff who made our birth experience safe, respectful, and supported. I share this feedback to highlight just how vital it is to feel listened to, respected, and fully informed. Moments that fell short served as a powerful reminder of the impact that language, empathy, and patient centred care can have.