"Made me feel like I was wasting their time"

After having experienced 3 miscarriages I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I waited 15 weeks on an appointment, which was fine as I am aware of all services being under pressure. During this time I had a 4th miscarriage.

I had been so hopeful for the appointment because I felt like I would be listened to by someone who had seen many women in a similar situation as me and could offer some support/guidance and investigations. I had taken the time to write down all my questions, symptoms and topics to discuss to ensure I got the most from the appointment.

When attending my appointment it was clear straight away the doctor had not familiarised themself with my notes/history at all, as they knew nothing about my situation.

During the appointment they appeared completely disinterested, barely made any eye contact, and it felt purely like I was there just to go through the questionnaire rather than any sort of discussion or support. The doctor ran through a list of questions about me, my partner and our medical history. They then advised me that my bloods would be taken and that I would get a telephone appointment in 6 months - but if I fell pregnant during this they would just cancel it. I was a bit taken aback and asked how I would know about the blood results, to which they told me someone would  write to me if anything was abnormal.

They asked if I had any questions, and I stated I had quite a few -at which point they looked absolutely exasperated. I discussed my concerns regarding perimenopausal symptoms I had been experiencing, worried that this could be the cause of recurrent miscarriages, got a short reply that sometimes there is no answer for these symptoms, but I'm getting my bloods done anyway, they then asked - anything else? so I asked a further question, to which they appeared very dismissive. At this point I felt so deflated and felt myself verging on tears, so I didn't ask any of the other questions I had wanted to as they made me feel although I was wasting their time.

I'm not sure if I caught the doctor on a bad day, or if they are always this dismissive and disinterested. It is very concerning given that over the last year I have felt so vulnerable, emotional, and worried, wondering if there is something wrong and what I can do going forward - and I'm sure many women in my position have had similar thoughts and feelings.

I went in to the appointment with high hopes and so glad that I was being supported through such a difficult and worrisome time - however, I left the appointment upset, deflated and feeling like there was no care or support at all, which could have been avoided.

I must add that I met with the infertility nurse specialist after the appointment who could not have been kinder or displayed more empathy and understanding if she tried! I felt listened to and supported. She went in to detail regarding what would be the plan if I were to fall pregnant again, what medication would be involved and the rationale behind it, and advised me what to do. She explained what investigations they were doing and why. I got very emotional during my time with her because I feel this is exactly how the initial appointment with the doctor should have went. She provided some leaflets and also a contact number for her service should I have any questions. She also listened to my concerns, symptoms and provided answers and support.  She was kind enough to call me that afternoon to advise me of my blood results, as she could tell I was very anxious regarding these. She went over and above, and I am so grateful to her.

I am providing this feedback as I think it is imperative that nobody is made to feel like they are wasting someone's time during a consultation like I was, and more consideration for a patients feelings should be displayed.  

But also want to highlight the role the nurse specialist played and how she made me feel - she was amazing at her job!