"Misleading advice and patronising tone from health visitor around breastfeeding, toddler nutrition, and sleep"

I wanted to share my experience at a baby massage class, led by a health visitor, as I’m concerned about the quality of advice being given to parents and the potential impact it could have — particularly on new or vulnerable mums.

At the session, the health visitor — introduced as a 'breastfeeding specialist' — gave several pieces of advice that I felt were outdated, overly rigid, and inconsistent with WHO and UNICEF guidance. For example, I was told that my 22-month-old, who is still breastfed on demand and eats a variety of nutrient-rich foods, should be eating three full meals plus snacks at fixed times, and that breastfeeding should be significantly reduced. They also stated that if a child is still getting most of their nutrition from breastmilk, they must be given multivitamins because breastmilk -doesn’t provide the necessary vitamins to support them-. This was presented as fact.

This went completely against my instincts as a mother. I do a huge amount of research into toddler nutrition and responsive feeding, and I believe strongly in trusting my gut and following the cues of my child. I felt spoken at rather than spoken with — at no point did they ask what I currently feed my daughter, which includes a variety of nutrient-dense, homemade meals with ingredients like flaxseeds, chia seeds, spinach, avocado, full-fat yoghurt, and fruit. Instead, they reeled off lists of example foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in a way that felt condescending, as if I was doing nothing or hadn’t thought about any of this myself. Although they were polite and may have intended to be helpful, the tone felt extremely patronising to me. It was difficult to sit through as a mother who is already deeply involved and engaged in supporting my child’s wellbeing.

This was not the first time I’ve received this kind of advice. A different health visitor — also introduced as a breastfeeding specialist — gave me almost identical guidance during a home visit. They told me I should be reducing breastfeeds, that my toddler’s nutritional needs weren’t being met through breastmilk, and even said my toddler was waking during the night because she was hungry. The health visitor at the massage group made the same point. I know this is simply not true. My toddler wakes for comfort, connection, and reassurance — not because she’s underfed. I want to highlight this because it shows that this advice isn’t just the personal opinion of one professional, but appears to be commonly shared within the service, even by those with specialist breastfeeding titles. That makes it even more concerning.

I was also encouraged by the same health visitor at the group to attend a local NHS weaning workshop, and I’m now worried that similarly inaccurate advice may be shared with larger groups of parents. I’m considering attending one to see for myself, but I believe it’s essential for health visitor teams to ensure any advice shared in group settings is consistent with up-to-date global health guidelines.

Another issue I found upsetting was a comment made about bedsharing. The health visitor, who described themselves as a sleep specialist and mentioned being a grandmother, shared that their daughter still had her two-year-old sleeping in her bed. They said this was because their daughter hadn’t followed the advice they give, and implied that the approach they teach works if parents are willing to implement it.

This came across as dismissive and implied that bedsharing results from a lack of effort or structure. I personally bedshare with my toddler because she wakes during the night seeking comfort, particularly while I’m tandem breastfeeding and supporting both a baby and a toddler. Hearing bedsharing framed in this way felt judgmental and invalidating.

While I don’t know how others in the group felt, I believe comments like this could create shame or confusion for parents who are doing their best to respond sensitively to their child’s emotional needs. Safe bedsharing is recognised by UNICEF, NICE, and The Lullaby Trust as a valid choice when done responsibly, and it would be more helpful if that was acknowledged in group discussions.

My intention in sharing this isn’t to single out any individual but to raise concerns about the quality and tone of information being shared under NHS care. I believe that if this type of advice is also being delivered in weaning workshops or other group sessions, it could have a negative impact on parents who are trying their best to follow their instincts and care for their children in a responsive, informed way.

Overall, the advice and tone I experienced at this session left me feeling deflated, patronised, and misinformed. My intention in sharing this is not to target any individual but to raise awareness of how easily support can become disempowering when it doesn’t respect a parent’s knowledge of their own child. I hope the service will reflect on the importance of offering compassionate, evidence-based, and non-judgmental guidance that helps build confidence rather than undermine it.

Thank you for taking the time to consider this feedback.