"Advice must be accurate, balanced, and respectful"

I’d like to share some feedback following a recent appointment with a health visitor.

During the visit, I was told — unprompted — never bring your baby into bed with you. That’s what causes SIDS. I found this statement deeply concerning. I feel it was an oversimplification that misrepresents current evidence and ignores the complexity of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

As a parent who has read widely and spoken with many other mothers, I know this is not the standard view held by all health visitors. I was disappointed that mine presented it as indisputable fact and didn't credit me with the intelligence to understand the nuance involved.

In reality, SIDS is not caused by one thing alone. While unsafe bed-sharing in high-risk situations (e.g. smoking, intoxication, soft bedding) can increase risk, safe co-sleeping in low-risk families has not been proven to cause SIDS. I feel that presenting it as the cause shuts down meaningful conversations about safety — and alienates parents who may already be co-sleeping out of sheer exhaustion.

When I asked for advice on helping my baby sleep in her crib, I was offered nothing useful. In my view, this lack of support, paired with the rigid warning about bed-sharing, leaves parents like me more vulnerable to potentially falling asleep on sofas or chairs with our babies.

I’ve been safely co-sleeping with my baby since birth, a decision made out of necessity. I hadn’t shared this with my health visitor before due to fear of judgment — a fear that, sadly, proved to be well-founded. This experience has left me feeling hesitant to seek help again.

Co-sleeping has enabled me to get the rest I need to function safely during the day, protect my mental health, and continue breastfeeding through the night, maintaining my milk supply and supporting my baby’s growth. These are meaningful health outcomes for both of us, yet they were completely overlooked.

I’m not dismissing the importance of reducing SIDS risk. But advice must be accurate, balanced, and respectful. I believe that fear-based messaging that contradicts evidence does a disservice to families and risks pushing struggling parents further into silence.

I hope this feedback helps encourage a more open, evidence-informed approach in future conversations with families.