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My son and us feeling desperate

Posted By camelopardalispk53

"My son and us feeling desperate"

About: Parent Support Link

(as a parent/guardian),

We have struggled since my son was 14 (he’s now  late teens) He’s neurodiverse and was heavily punished at school, lots of isolations, suspensions and eventually expelled. He was 14 and being criminally exploited at the time he was being put in isolation and suspended all the time - the school knew this and didn’t want him at school . His issues started with alcohol and binge drinking a couple of times a week, and then cannabis took over. He now has a severe cannabis use disorder and smokes a large amount per day. He works (which is our only positive) but he also deals drugs as he can’t fund his habit on the money he earns. It’s relentless and we are powerless in helping him stop anything.

So i feel desperate, powerless, exhausted and quite broken that this is what has become of my eldest son, it impacts our whole family. We can’t book a holiday because he can’t go anywhere without smoking on the hour every hour, and we can’t leave him at home alone as we have no trust. We walk on eggshells because he can explode at anything. He continually brings weed in the house despite us asking him not to so the house stinks and he smokes in the garden and refuses to go elsewhere to smoke. My daughter can’t have friends for sleepovers because of his drug use and incase he kicks off.. he has no respect for anyone or anything and blames us for everything instead of looking at how his behaviour affects everyone.

He is under every service going - social services , willow team, METs team, camhs, catch 22 - but nothing has helped him or made him want to change.. social services have agreed a section 20 if we want to trigger it because of the affect he is having on us and because we have two younger children. But I don’t want him gone, I want him better! And he would either cut us off for good or he’d end his life if he was forced out of our home - I’m sure of that. His mental health is awful and this time last year camhs told us our only priority was to keep our son alive. It is so much on us as parents.

We are grateful for the support we have received so far via Parent support link,

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Responses

Response from Rhona Hawkins, Service Manager, Parent Support Link, Inclusion 2 days ago
Rhona Hawkins
Service Manager, Parent Support Link,
Inclusion

Submitted on 07/07/2025 at 12:03
Published on Care Opinion at 12:03

Thank you so much for sharing this so openly. I can hear the deep pain, exhaustion, and helplessness you’re feeling right now, and it’s clear that you’ve been carrying this for a long time with so much love and strength, even when it’s felt unbearable.

You’ve done absolutely everything a parent could do, and more. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling desperate and broken; no one is prepared to face something like this within their own family. Your commitment to your son, despite everything, shines through so clearly, you don’t want him gone, you want him well. That’s such a powerful reflection of your love for him, even when his behaviour is pushing everyone to the edge.

The way this has impacted your whole family, the walking on eggshells, the lost freedoms, your daughter’s world being limited, is something no parent should have to navigate without deep support. It’s also incredibly painful to feel so powerless while watching your child struggle with addiction and mental health, especially when all the services seem to be involved but there’s still no real shift.

It’s okay to admit that you’re exhausted. It’s okay to want relief without giving up on him. You shouldn’t have to carry this alone.

Please know you’re doing your absolute best in a heartbreaking situation. I truly hope you continue to get support for you, whether that’s through PSL or additional help just for your own emotional wellbeing, because you deserve that too.

If it would help, We can also support you in thinking through next steps, questions to ask the professionals involved, or simply be here to talk things through whenever you need. You are not alone.

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