"A caring team let down by one person"

I was told at 10 weeks that my baby had a cystic hygroma and had less than a 10% survival rate and that if they did they’d have a very low quality of life. I decided what was best for me and the baby and have an elective miscarriage at 12 weeks gestation after meeting with a fetal medicine specialist. In one of my consultations Dr Glen was amazing and really reassured us we were making the right decision.

I got given a room on the Gynae ward 4E in Ulster Hospital and was really nervous but was greeted with such lovely faces. A couple of days went by and my procedure was done, they were thorough and empathetic the whole time.

One nurse that sticks out to me is Mary-Jane. She was so personable and genuine. I also had lovely nurses called Laura and Samantha. All of the others were amazing too but these names have stuck with me for a reason. Jaqueline from the midwife bereavement support team is incredible and is such a credit to the hospital and all of the other women going through similar situations, I am so grateful for her.

Once I had given birth to my baby, the sister on duty was very calm and reassuring, she helped me feel calm and ensured me everything was normal amidst my panic.

After finding out the process had not been fully completed I was feeling exhausted both mentally and physically. I informed a staff member that I was feeling very anxious and they said they had to explain my options. They told me a timeline of how the surgical options could go drastically wrong and result in death, and when I loudly exclaimed for them to stop they did, but with a smirk that only my partner saw, as I had my hands over my ears and head turned away.

When they came back to see us about the post-mortem options, we were never given the choice to name our baby, which dehumanised our entire process and the life we had created and loved so much. I need this person to know how important that is to me and other women and this was not an easy choice.

On the papers which I have a copy of, it states that "infant" should only be written in the baby's name section if the name is unknown. They never asked. We have a name we wanted to call her. I am grateful that a lady Heather thought infant was appalling, and wrote ‘’Baby of [my name]’’ on her ashes rather than infant.

I don’t know how this staff member is working closely with women in these situations. Their words and actions exacerbated my anxiety disorder and panic attacks. They also came in after the scan was completed that found retained tissue, and exclaimed ‘’Well, that wasn’t the news we wanted!’’ and smiled and clapped their hands while they had seen me 15 minutes prior in the hallway in an awful state. I literally stared at them in disbelief. I didn’t feel like a human, I felt like a medical project. Everyone else did their jobs with such grace and elegance, why couldn’t they?

Overall, we had as good of a stay as was possible given the circumstances. I was discharged after 4 days and the last doctor I saw was so lovely. She was far more relaxing and really respected my anxiety, she left me alone for an hour as I had requested as my stress levels were really high.

We received a beautiful card from the gynae nurses and we really appreciate it and I send all my love and well wishes to them! I want to express how this one staff member's actions do not reflect upon any of the nurses, I was very well taken care of by them 24/7.