"All that I needed was someone to speak kindly to me"

I have been taking mental health medication since I was a teenager. Only recently have I been well enough to think about my treatment I received. I was on diazepam as a temporary medication and awaiting seeing a psychiatrist when I came to the GPs in the mist of a mental health crisis. Usually I feel doctors are helpful in offering solutions or atleast some sort of temporary help considering my issues.

I came in to see a doctor and as soon as I came in they thought I was hostile, although I was in crisis and also am now under process of an autism diagnosis so my social skills might not be the best. They completely undermined me and said that people come here who are seeing things and we can’t help them so we can’t help you. This really hurt me mentally because I have a family member who suffers with psychosis and that had a huge effect on my mental health, watching someone I love suffer that way and then been spoken to like I don’t know anything about it. I replied and said well I’m not here for other people which maybe at the time my tone was strange but I struggle greatly with communication and felt I was being undermined in my greatest time of need.

I asked them to offer any type of advice and they refused and told me to leave. A week later I was sent an appointment with psychiatrist and put on antipsychotics and antidepressants where they told me the doctor should have been able to tell me I was gonna get an appointment soon but instead told me to leave and essentially said even if I was seeing things they wouldn’t help me.

I understand the stress on the NHS but as someone who’s suffered with mental health my whole life even being spoken to more kindly would have helped. Since this happened I haven’t been able to go back to the doctor due to shame and humiliation. All that I needed was someone to speak kindly to me and explain the process and my options the same as doctors in the past had done when I was in crisis but the doctor made me feel worse than ever and I still carry it till this day. I’ve never had a worse medical experience than then and It sent me into a worse spiral. I’m getting better now with medication and cbt but what happened that day effected me badly and although I managed to come out the other end someone else might not of after being spoken to that way.