"Selective mutism"

My daughter has Selective Mutism. This started when she was about three years old as a result of the social isolation our family went through during the COVID pandemic. I never knew anything like SM existed until I met the SENCO at her fantastic primary school over a year ago.

Prior to that, during her time at nursery, we were told that she was likely autistic. We had her on the waiting list for ASD assessment, as if hoping that giving her a label of some sort would have the power to change anything. It did not make any sense to us. We watched her play and giggle with her sisters at home, just like (or even better than) any of her classmates. Then we watched her going into school, her body language suddenly switching off and her lips sealing up, staying like that all the day until we would pick her up in the afternoon. It was heartbreaking and it was not making any sense.

The SENCO offered a referral to the RISE Team. We felt stigmatised enough by that point and doubted that it could help in any way, but the SENCO was positive that it will be helpful. With some hesitation and a little expectation we filled in a very long form and sent it off.

While waiting for the RISE Team to make the initial contact, I was given a link to the RISE NI resources for parents. One late evening that felt especially difficult I opened it up. And that was when things suddenly started to make sense. The resources about Selective Mutism were fantastic. I spent a few weeks thinking about how to bring on the change that we so desperately needed. I went through a process of re-thinking and re-designing the relationship I had with my daughter. I started seeing her in a very different light, no longer as a weird, difficult and stubborn child, but a loving, gentle and tender young girl.

At that stage I had a phonecall with Cathy from the RISE team. It was a long phonecall with lots of questions to go through and it changed everything. There was a point where we discussed parenting and its challenges and I will remember Cathy's words forever. Cathy was so very human, incredibly empathetic and supportive. It was obvious she is brilliant in what she does, but what was even clearer was that she cares, she puts her heart into it, into bringing on the positive change.

I had the opportunity to meet Andrea from the RISE team later on. She is also fantastic and worked enthusiastically to bring on a meaningful change. Cathy and Andrea worked hard to make sure all of my daughter's teachers received the necessary training that would help her to thrive at school. Andrea designed a small steps intervention that speeded up the whole process incredibly. They have been so proactive, so informative, so supportive, so helpful and so human.

I am also a healthcare professional and I was truly humbled by the service we received from Cathy and Andrea. What a great team and what a massive positive impact they had on our family. Saying a simple “thank you” can't really express our gratitude enough but - Thank you, for everything, from the bottom of our hearts.

Over a year later, my daughter is in a much better place. She was recently discharged from RISE as she has met her targets. Tackling SM is not a “magic wand scenario” where it suddenly disappears, but she has made and continues to make a massive progress. Her self confidence is growing, as is our and her teachers' understanding of SM and of the support she needs. She is much more herself at school, she is making friends in her class, she reads aloud in front of the class and she recently read in front of everybody in the church, using the microphone. We are much closer as a family now, valuing her, supporting her and understanding her, her powers, her talents and her struggles much better.