"I just needed someone to say it’s okay to feel shaken"

I came into the urgent treatment centre after being bitten by a dog. It wasn’t aggressive, just scared. Two dogs were fighting in the street and I stepped in, stupidly maybe, trying to pull them apart before one of them got seriously hurt. I don’t blame the dog at all. It was just being a dog. I’m just glad neither of them were badly injured.

I couldn’t remember if I’d had a tetanus recently and my hand wouldn’t stop bleeding, so I came in. When the nurse asked why I was upset, I mentioned, almost without thinking, that I play guitar for work, and I was worried I might not be able to anymore. I didn’t expect sympathy or anything, but I wasn’t prepared for them to scoff and say something like -  Well, there are bigger things to worry about, aren’t there?

They're right, of course. There are wars. The planet’s burning. People are going through things I can’t even imagine. I know it sounds self-involved. But that little moment just stayed with me. I don’t think they meant to be cruel, and I’m sure their job is incredibly hard, but it made me feel really small.

I just needed someone to hear me say - I’m scared. Not of the wound, but of losing the part of me that feels like mine. Music’s how I’ve survived everything. 

Sorry if this is rambling. I care about animals, about people, about not taking up too much space, but I think in that moment I just needed someone to say it’s okay to feel shaken.

Thank you for reading this. Even if nothing comes of it.