"Talking about my experience helped me to understand it better and come to terms with it"

I made a self-referral to the Birth Reflections Service as I was considering trying for a second baby, but was feeling quite anxious about this due to some unresolved trauma from my first birth experience.

A lovely midwife called Libby quickly responded and we arranged to meet her to discuss my birth experience in November 2024 (apologies for the delay writing the review!) I explained to Libby that I was feeling anxious because I'd had a prolonged labour which ended up in a forceps delivery, but I felt that intervention could have been done sooner as it was clear for a number of hours that labour wasn't progressing.  I also struggled with breastfeeding, which affected my morale and mental health, and suffered from postnatal depression for a few months after the birth.  I had never really had a debrief about what happened during the labour so I wanted to gain a better understanding of my experience and consider how things could maybe be done differently next time (if there is a next time).  I felt that I needed to speak to the birth reflections service as I realised that the traumatic memories of my first birth experience were holding me back from deciding to try for another child.

The session with Libby really helped me to come to terms with what I went through, and my husband was also able to attend and take part in the discussion.  Libby went through my notes from the labour and birth, and talked me through the timeline of events patiently and sensitively.  She really seemed to understand what I had gone through, and after discussing what happened I realised that I couldn't have done any more during the labour to make things turn out differently, and reassured me that I had done a lot of work to progress labour to where it was at the point where my daughter needed a forceps delivery. 

Libby also highlighted points in my experience where things could have been done differently or better.  One example was that there was a delay in bringing my daughter to me to try breastfeeding, and that the delay put me at an immediate disadvantage for being able to successfully breastfeed.  I tried breastfeeding for a few months but it didn't work out, and for so long I had felt guilt and like a failure about not being able to do it.  It caused a lot of anxiety and definitely contributed to my PND (which is completely resolved now I'm glad to say). Now that I know that the issues could have started from the birth itself, I feel a bit better about not managing to do it....like it was not entirely a fault with me and that I shouldn't have been so hard on myself.

Libby has helped me to come to terms with my experience and make peace with it, as I know that I couldn't have done anything differently.  She helped me to feel more confident about myself as a mother, and more confident about going through labour again, if that's what the future holds.  I know that I have options to do things differently in future if I decide to, and I feel better informed about everything now. 

Having a child and becoming a parent is the hardest and most rewarding job in the world, but nothing can prepare you for how challenging it can be at times.  I feel like Birth Reflections is a valuable service that so many people could benefit from.  Talking about my experience helped me to understand it better and come to terms with it. 

A few months after speaking to Libby I did fall pregnant again, but sadly miscarried.  I will try again though and I think that Birth Reflections has given me the confidence to do that.  Thank you to Libby for taking the time to talk to me.  Her caring and understanding approach was very much appreciated, and she even stayed to talk to me beyond our allotted time.  She also has a good supply of tissues! :)

Libby is such a kind person and it's amazing that she does Birth Reflections sessions in her free time on days off.  I want to thank her so much for that, and for helping me to move forward.