"I became myself again"

For all my adult life, I have had Anxiety and the physical manifestation I had to endure most was excessive and uncontrolled blushing. 

It's part of life and very normal to blush but it became almost debilitating when in my corporate job in big meeting rooms or workshops or presentations. I adopted a set of safety behaviours (as I now know them) to lessen the extent to which these triggers could occur. I sat near the door, on the edge of groups, was silent, only spoke when spoken to, went to the toilet more times than normal, all for fear of going red. 

I'd gone through this toil for a long time but there was a period of about 9 months where I was always on edge. Every waking thought was preoccupied with not going red. It trickled out of my working life into my social life, my family life and my relationship. 

It all came to head when I had to do a 5 minute presentation on my job to my team (a harmless task in reality) but I had my first ever panic attack. I didn't do the presentation. I left the office and had to sit near the river until I had calmed down. That day, I contacted Bromley Talking Therapies. 

I reflect on that decision being one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I was offered 12 weeks of CBT with an amazing practitioner called Chloe. Chloe was training for a CBT qualification and we spent an hour a week identifying all of my safety behaviours, and experimented with dropping them in a controlled environment to see what happened if I didn't display them. 

We tracked my anxiety week to week and noticed the trend going down. I felt more confident, I understood myself better, I felt normal again. And with that, I got myself back. I was happy to attend social situations, I volunteered for presentations and didn't shy away. Every aspect of my life improved. 

Chloe gave me the reassurance I needed to know I could feel better and the tools to manage my anxiety when it inevitably spikes again. 

She was just the best and if every interaction is like that, these mental health support units should receive as much funding as possible. 

Chloe changed my life and I am so grateful for her help.