"Managing Fears and Negative thoughts"

I was overwhelmed with a lot on my mind. I was facing a lot of life challenges and would fear the worst. I am a Christian; I believe in God's ability to come through but will breakdown at time. I always encouraged and support people to walk through their situations but deep down I had to nurse my own fears. I would cry at every opportunity but never in the presence of anyone around me because I did not want to be seen as a weakling or bother anyone.

I started losing interest in a lot of things and this started affecting my health. I turned to my job but soon stressed myself out. I would have chest pain and headaches consistently, my sleep pattern suffered, and I started having mood swings. I visited a walk-in centre and was prescribed anti-depressants. I was already taking my blood pressure medications and didn't want more tablets. I was offered the option of 'Talking therapy' and I decided to give it a trial. I wasn't sure what it was about or what to expect.

My therapist - Vanessa (Ness), gradually won my trust as she persistently engaged me in conversations to the point where I felt I could trust her, she helped me create my safe space, I felt no condemnation and we unpacked my fears and worries one at a time. It felt good to know that worrying was not out of place as a human but working out the issue and validating my thoughts and fears could in fact help to identify the solution form the problems itself. I didn't have to dismiss my fears or worries as they are true feeling, but I only needed to analyse it and view it in real terms alongside possible solutions.

In the course of my therapy, I discovered the importance of self-love, and why this is well-deserved and should not be a privilege. I was able to reflectively explore those things that I loved and enjoyed doing but have gradually ignored or lost interest in over the years.

I have been able to identify various things I could do to de-escalate my worries and look more towards possible solutions rather than dwelling on the negative future perceived consequences.

The most striking session for me is the possibility of postponing my worry time, I initially thought this was not feasible but amazingly, I achieved it with deliberate effort, I remember bringing out the task sheet that Ness had sent me during the session and reading it aloud to myself and reassuring myself that I can always come back to think about the problem at the agreed time.

I remembered the day I had received a series of unpleasant news within the space of 2 days which threw my life upside down and I felt like I had lost everything, I just sank into my dark pit again and couldn't see any reason to come out. I just wanted to walk away to nowhere, fortunately I had a session with Ness and she could spot immediately that something was wrong. She worked me into my safe space and I cried freely, releasing my pains and afterward she supported me to de-escalate my worries/fears. Looking at steps to take to identify the real issue and possible solutions.

I remember that I mentioned specifically that my expectation from the therapy is to be able to be myself again (lively, strong and positive personality). I can confidently say that I can feel and see that lively, enthusiastic person coming back, I am in a process, I feel empowered and can calmly work through situations and not assume the worst-case scenario.