"Appendicitis and sepsis"

Being autistic and having bipolar I found the ward environment absolutely overwhelming. I had already seen a dip in my mental health prior to admission and on the ward I felt truly out of control which is not usual for me. I was ready to either strangle myself with a shoelace or go home and use another method.

I really needed mental health support and I couldn't get through to CMHT and Edinburgh Crisis Centre couldn't support me because I was in hospital. I did eventually, after several days get daily support from CMHT. I asked nurses and doctors for help but they couldn't find anyone in the hospital who was dual trained and could listen to me.

One nurse tried but ultimately said she wasn't trained, didn't know what to say and felt from a professional perspective it wouldn't be professional for her to reply. I felt as though the staff were withdrawing and scared of me. This made me feel worse.

I spent a lot of time alone in the TV room which was better than nothing but I was in pain sitting up for such long periods of time and either had to get up and find a nurse or wait until one happened to find me since I didn't have a call bell. This wasn't ideal considering how ill I felt.

Eventually I had to go back to bed to rest knowing that it might be the final straw. A night nurse, I think called Laura, listened to what I had to say and within about 10 minutes I was put into a single room where I kept the lights dimmed. This was much more manageable.

Laura was absolutely fantastic and listened and empathised in a way that made me feel human. Even when she was too busy to pop in I'd sometimes see her give a thumbs up from the nurses station.

I also have to thank Iona who fought to keep me on the ward and not struggle with change.

Most of all, I'd like to thank Heather who was an absolute hero giving me more time/company than I'm sure she had, for coaxing me into my distraction activities for my mental health and getting me a whole jug of ice because cold water was the only thing I could tolerate when the only anti sickness medication that wouldn't cause serotonin syndrome when combined with my bipolar meds wasn't working.

I explained to Heather that in psychiatry they explain what happens and involve you in decisions but I felt like you saw a doctor for 30 seconds or a nurse just shows up with an unknown medication. Heather was very good at using analogues to make my healthcare make sense.

In terms of medication, I felt there was too much of a battle for how sick I was. Doctors didn't try hard enough to contact CMHT (who have no record of being contacted) to give me my prescribed promethazine as it wasn't on my GP records but has helped me cope in a hospital environment and feel less suicidal before.

The only reason they tried at all was because I got my CPN on the phone and tried to hand it to staff who refused to take the phone but asked for a number or CMHT could have a number, but of course neither could pass a phone number through a patient so I just had to give the outpatients number which is available on google, had any of them bothered to look. I'd been told before then it was impossible for them to communicate with psychiatry.

There was also considerable difficulty getting zopiclone which I have prn at home and have been prescribed weeks or months of from psychiatry with no problem stopping (aside from using a pill cutter). I was too ill and fuddled to explain why I needed it - except that I needed it to sleep. The actual reason, which I would like to be passed onto the doctors, is that lack of sleep is a major trigger for hypomania (hypomania also causes lack of sleep) and by denying me access to zoplicone they were putting my mental health at risk.

Once I got home my community psychiatric nurse came out to see me and advised that if I had trouble sleeping to take it for the weekend and if I was low (I get a month's worth at a time) then she would make sure the medication got to me.

I was too unwell and too mentally unstable to explain my Well Plan and tell staff what I needed. I think it would be good for staff to have some training or awareness on breathing exercises as this would have helped me even if it was just supporting me to access a video/sound track.

Similarly, none of us were aware that you can use Breathing Space (part of NHS 24) from within a hospital. I think there should be a poster up for anyone else that needs it as it would take pressure off staff who don't feel they have listening skills.

I will say that from a physical point of view, aside from the doctors taking a full day to approve effective painkillers, the care from all staff was absolutely fantastic. You could tell they worked together really well and advocated for their patients.