"EMDR - The Healing of a Fractured Soul!"

The following is a short note to publicly express my deepest gratitude for the 'life-saving' EMDR treatment afforded by my gifted Psychotherapist at NHS Forth Valley. 

When I arrived at NHS Forth Valley (Psychological Services), I had already undergone different treatment modalities for CPTSD and recurrent depression (CBT, CFT). Nonetheless, I was struggling to find a way forwards, the weight of past trauma was unbearable, and if truth be told, I could only see one ultimate solution to remedy the pain and distress I was enduring. However, through my clinicians compassionate and wise guidance, EMDR sessions, and a strong modelling of grace, love and acceptance, my therapist gently challenged false distortions and helped me successfully process significant debilitating trauma. EMDR coupled with the therapists thoroughly person-centred approach has restored my personhood and desire to live life in all its fullness. Moreover, successful treatment has given a wife back her husband and a mother back her son! Reflecting on this as I write is profoundly moving, given that at the start of these sessions, I saw no purpose and no future, only darkness, only death...

I really appreciated my therapist's ability to see, hear and value me as a person. She really listened to what worked and what did not and invited suggestions as to how my EMDR sessions might work best. For me, that often meant verbally sharing the details of the trauma (often for the first time) at certain points whilst processing.  Being in the grip of mental illness witnessed significant loss. It has robbed me of much over the years: my time, my thoughts, my friends, my job and vocation, even my home and possessions have fallen prey. Most notably, my sense of self and identity, had succumbed to this ‘thorn in my mind.’ For me, mental illness has been like a thief, desiring to steal my life on several occasions as I have attempted to dance to the alluring song of suicide…it has even sought to steal my soul. Nonetheless, I regard this acute season of despair and fear with gratitude and thanksgiving, for its healing wilderness journey enabled me to find a deeper, authentic sense of ‘me’ within the whole of my daily life. There has been healing, re-birth and a redeeming of pain, thus permitting a shift from a position of paralysis and despair to relational flourishing. Undoubtedly, as a person of faith, the most important matter for me was reappropriating the truth of my true identity before God, for being anchored in that relationship grounds and provides the basis for all that I do. Mental illness had clouded the reality of that, as had my blinkered quest for theological orthodoxy. Therefore, to know anew the joyful certainty of being the beloved of God, not just cognitively, but experientially at the heart level was formational to recovering my identity, my beloved self. Again, my therapist sought to address my malady in a holistic way - body, mind and soul - crucially, spiritual need was also integrated which made all the difference to me. Simply put, my therapist 'got me!'

Throughout therapy, I learned much at a personal level, various aspects were also revealed via being positively rooted and nourished within a faith tradition, one that was right for me. In addition, this spiritual rootedness and ongoing nourishment was complimented by the correct treatment modalities (CBT, CFT, EMDR), which allowed space to critically explore my story and to move away from the false narrative and distortions of self that I had come to embrace and believe. This healing journey taught me to see and own the enslavement that hampered any thriving, I was invited to cry out and enter into a risky, and oftentimes painful journey – a move from the familiar to the unpredictable. Furthermore, I learned that it was acceptable and spiritually/psychologically beneficial to lament in the face of continued pain. Indeed, I would say that this exploratory journey taught me to patiently wait with resilience whilst gaining strength and resolve to enter a new land, a hope-filled place of renewal. Undoubtedly, EMDR has been invaluable and has healed this fractured soul!

I have been very fortunate with my therapist, week by week her light and grace has shone into the cracks of my brokenness and revealed to me that I can actually embrace and own my scars and woundedness, and in doing so, be of great value and service to the other. I am indebted to my therapist for opening my eyes to my new calling and for trusting in my ability to pursue it through further academic study, which has now commenced. I was vocationally 'stuck' and was unable to move forwards. EMDR has changed that. 

My dear wife joins me in expressing gratitude for my therapist's unwavering commitment to my well-being and for providing a safe space week by week whereby I could confront and overcome my trauma, a space where I was able to be honest with myself and deal with the truth of that. I always shared with my wife how my therapist looked beyond any label and sought to value me as a person which meant the world to me thus enabling me to trust implicitly.  

In closing, I would add that these sessions were not at all easy, Oftentimes they were emotionally painful. Yet, week by week, as I noted progress, I would repeat to myself some words of an old Van Morrison song: "Ain't it all worthwhile when the healing has begun."  I write this note the day before my last session, and although I will strangely miss these sessions; sessions which have become a significant part of my life over the last 2 years, I am ready to go now as the healing has come!

Thank you to a very special therapist and NHS Forth Valley Psychology Services, you have shown me that I matter and  have given me my life back, a life I intend to live in all its fullness! Thank you for everything!