"My elderly father's visit to A&E"

I had to drive my father - who is in his 80s -  to Exeter A&E when his cancerous tumour on his head started bleeding profusely (from behind its dressing) at about 8pm. After giving him a towel to use as a compress I rushed him to Exmouth Hospital only to find it closed. This was unknown to me as I haven’t lived in Exmouth for the past 30 years.

After calling 999 it was clear that as we were already in the car it would be quicker for me to drive him rather than wait for an ambulance. The member of staff on the phone was kind and asked lots of pertinent questions. 

We arrived at Wonford. A&E is situated at the back of the hospital which was the first hurdle trying to find it. Then there was nowhere to park/ drop him off safely - resulting in me abandoning my car on double yellows with hazards flashing.

At this point it has been around an hour of his head bleeding. The hand towel we had used as a compress was by now completely saturated and heavy with blood. I am not exaggerating. There was blood dripping down his jumper and jeans and he was leaving a trail of blood drops where he had walked. Dad still pressing the towel to his head to try to stem the bleed.  

We arrived at the desk to explain his condition/register him. At no point were we given anything else to replace the sodden towel. While we were waiting a very kind member of the public in the waiting area gave us a clean hoodie to use in the place of the now useless towel. My dad was in pain all the while and very scared. I myself was in shock after everything that had happened so far. As you can imagine the journey from Exmouth to Exeter was very stressful for us both. 

We were triaged within 10-15 mins of our arrival. This nurse was kind but only briefly looked at my dad’s head where the dressing peeling off saturated in blood underneath the hooded top. We were then still with hoodie held to my dad’s head and me holding a sodden with blood towel asked to go to another room where another nurse then after about 30 mins of waiting took bloods. My sister, Mum and niece also arrived around this time. 

Dad was asked about his pain and whether he needed any pain relief. My dad refused anything. (Quick context- after his younger brother went into hospital having mild dementia and a recent fall, was given morphine and died soon after- thus dad was worried he wouldn’t make it out the hospital). 

The nurse was kind to Dad and patient. But we did have to ask if we could have something to replace the hooded top and if there was somewhere I could dispose of the sopping wet with blood towel. We were finally given some sterile dressings for my dad to hold firmly to his head. By now thankfully there was more of a clot forming.

We were then moved on to another room. The time was approx midnight. After waiting another 2-3 hours a lovely young doctor came to speak to Dad. They were very patient and kind and listened to Dad's and our concerns. They explained things clearly and was kind, empathetic and compassionate. As you would expect from the medical profession. They understood that Dad has refused to have the immunotherapy treatment he was offered when he was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma last year. They rightly understood that that is his choice. They were respectful of that. He doesn’t wish to risk all the side effects at his age as he is generally fit and well otherwise.

The doctor said they'd refer him to a colleague in max fax. They thought he may need a stitch or something cauterised.  Around an hour later another member of staff entered the room. They started off pleasantly enough. Dad was saying how he feels the cancer has gone and he is fighting it (obviously dad is trying to be positive as that’s what is helping him deal with things and keep him going!) To which they replied cancer doesn’t just disappear. This is what happens when you don’t have the treatment! No empathy, compassion or reading the room. Dad prior to this moment was still trying to be upbeat, after hearing that he became saddened and less hopeful.  I was shocked.

The member of staff examined dad’s head had a prod of the clot that had formed and said it was best to just dress it with compression bandages. I asked  whether, as the previous doctor had suggested, if it was necessary to have a stitch or the bleed cauterised. They replied that they couldn’t see anything that needed it. They said they could remove the clot to see. I was worried that they might, so asked them not to as the clot was already in place and helping to stop the bleed. 

We left around 5am in the end after failed attempts to bandage dad’s head successfully due to the location of the fungating tumour/ hole in his head.  One nurse did manage to fashion a successful cap style bandage on his head,  but it was quite tight and caused some pain so had to be removed. They put some compression gauze and dressing on and he was discharged. 

I know the NHS is understaffed and stretched but I feel a few simple improvements could be implemented: More compassion and empathy. And maybe offer anyone bleeding some sterile dressing whilst waiting?