"Battling addiction"

Following a motorcycle accident I was given OxyContin with no warning as to its nature or potency. Had I been given morphine I would've had a different journey. However, Oxy it was & so the months turned into years before I had became so dependent and so very Ill from its affects that I was desperate for help. 5yrs in to my addiction I approached Orion and happened across a case worker who knew her craft and had recovery experience. I was not aware of how resistant I was at the time but see now my stubbornness was an obstacle for us both to overcome. It was a journey of awakening and I do not want the responsibility of it. Drugs like Oxy do a fantastic job of covering all that shit up and that’s what makes them so Appealing. If you’re gonna hide from life, hide somewhere really good. Drugs and alcohol offer what “appears “ to be those hiding place’s. I learned that is so ….for a time & then what followed was the lesson I needed to see what was important. 

Essentially what I did was blot 6 years of my life out and couldn’t see that I was killing myself as I was “blissfully “ unaware of my state. Then came the overdoses, a drug like oxy is never content to stabilise, it needs more to make you feel good and more was given by me and the doctor. Eventually I was curled up on the bathroom floor, shaking and sweating and frightened, calling my neighbours to get me help and listening to 111 operators for best advice while the ambulance arrived. But even still, I was gonna have that happen 4 more times before I was ready to accept I was not ok. I think it may have been embarrassment that triggered my self respect again in the end. I was scared & also ambivalent.

I wanted to stop it all ……but without giving up the Oxy. After some regular visits to Orion meetings and case workers appointments I was able to focus on a recovery program offered by the them with funding to the Dame Carol Black detox centre and spent my 30 days there in august 2024. It was not a picnic, easily the toughest moments of my life, I even broke one night and threw my towel in, packed my bags and informed the staff “I m off “.

It took the right words and two games of Jenga with a staff member there to keep me put. It seems silly now that that seems so little, but it was enough and I will always be grateful to Nicky for that perseverance and cool head. I did not win at jenga but at the larger game I was victorious. 

Along with all the staff there she was integral to my success and they were all fantastic. Having those around you that want you to succeed with out agenda is massive and I can’t put a value on changing your life with the right support. 

My return to ”normal life“ was not easy at all and Orion's support with Nicky (another one) my case worker and groups and counselling and likewise troubled individuals was paramount. It really helped me see what I was doing, the road I was now on.

The why? That is mine to solve and is ongoing as life itself & I have come to see that now. Much of my difficulty was with life itself and how it can be overwhelming at times but hiding from it has both cost me dearly and also revealed what I did not want to see if not for the journey. Don’t misunderstand me, I'm not grateful to the Oxy, I am grateful to have lived and learned through it. I would highly recommend not learning the way I did. I'm very much more fond of learning through someone else’s experiences as they are so much less painful.

Perhaps someone will get something from mine . ❤️. Thank you to everyone who helped me along.