"Up and down care"

This was my first pregnancy and when I woke up bleeding I was distraught. I phoned the early pregnancy clinic and it was very clear the staff were coming to the end of their night shift as I got told to stick a pad on and keep an eye at home. I phoned my own midwife who stated I should phone the early pregnancy unit (they did not know I already had) and they should give me an appointment. 

I phoned back and the lady on the phone could not have been nicer. She reassured me that everything could still be okay and organised an appointment, however the earliest they could do was 5 days later. 

My appointment was for early morning. We arrived at half an hour before the appointment. We sat in the waiting room for an hour and a half, watching all the pregnant people attending the clinics and not knowing what was happening with ours. Eventually my partner had to ask when we would be seen... They had forgot to take us round. 

We went in for the scan and it confirmed that our baby was no longer there. The sonographer told us that our baby had been discontinued and did an internal scan.

The midwife was lovely and gave us plenty of information. She also phoned with our blood tests really quickly and confirmed that I was definitely going through a miscarriage. 

I know the midwives probably experience this daily however this was the hardest experience I have ever gone through. My baby, my first baby, died. While parts of the care were brilliant, some were unacceptable. I do not think that certain areas of my care were person centred or compassionate, rather that I was just a burden.