"She was right, I am happy again"

When I was pregnant with our third baby, a very wanted pregnancy, we were told that there was something wrong with the baby and that we would need to go for further testing and scans. Our lives fell apart.

Our baby was too unwell to survive and I went through a termination. Signing paperwork to agree to end everything that should have been was the worst thing I had ever had to go though. Our baby was so wanted and so loved.

I found a way to cope, I just stopped feeling anything. I was functioning on empty.

I was exhausted from nightmares and scared to sleep. Everything looked fine from the outside, but I was empty and switched off.

I got pregnant again the following summer. I was delighted but I was terrified that something would go wrong, I became more anxious and withdrawn from life.

My midwife suggested a referral for mental health support, I declined the first offer because I thought I was fine. She offered again a few weeks later and I accepted the referral. Accepting it was hard because it was in part accepting that our other baby was gone.

I met a psychologist, Jennifer, and she was the only bit of calm I had found in over a year. I don’t remember what we talked about but I know she was there for me in the weeks left of that pregnancy.

I requested a planned c-section and our consultant agreed without hesitation, our daughter arrived safely into our lives.

Over the next 18 months I had regular appointments with Jennifer. When everything in life was too painful, she was there to listen to me, she believed me and she was someone I could trust. She used CBT and EMDR to help me to pick it all apart and put it all back together with me. The nightmares and flashbacks stopped and slowly she helped me move from a life that was empty and detached, back to my family and back to life again.

I would have spiralled out of life if I hadn’t been able to access this support.

It’s been a few months since I stopped seeing Jennifer, I truly didn’t know if it was possible to be happy again but I was able to trust her and she was right, I am happy again and my family is happy again too.

I will be eternally grateful to her and the service available.