"I feel totally abandoned"

Following on from my transfer from perinatal to the CMHT, the service provided has been really upsetting and triggering from me. 

I finally was allocated a CPN after a suicidal episode. Since then I have seen the joint CPN team twice. At the last visit from both I was not in a good place and it was clear that going to work the following week would potentially be an issue.  They said they did not have their diaries that day and would call me on Monday to arrange our next appointment (nobody did). 

However, I had to call them as I was having severe panic attacks and had to leave my work.  On calling the GP, they advised they would not deal with any mental health issues now I was under the CMHT and I was to speak to them regarding absence from work. 

The CPNS attempted to call the GP to ask for a sick line and the GP refused citing that under new legislation, CPNS are able to issue sick lines.  The whole thing provoked an even bigger panic response from me.  After receiving a letter of support from one of the CPNS, I had to pay for a private sick line to give my employer.  I was off for two weeks in turmoil, suffering extreme anxiety episodes and having suicidal thoughts once again. 

I tried calling on numerous occasions and left several messages and neither of my CPNS responded to me during this time.  I felt so let down and that nobody cared. 

The following week, I was then due back at work after the 2 weeks had lapsed.  I again left several messages for a call back and finally I missed the returned call as I was at work in the office. I called back and was finally able to speak to one of the CPNS who sounded annoyed at me as they had returned my call (finally) and I had not answered.

I asked why nobody had been in contact as advised to make a further appointment and was at this point advised that one of my CPNS had been reallocated and it would just be this one going forward.  I felt sick.  Nobody had told me and again I am left feeling abandoned and like a piece of rubbish that doesn't matter. I feel like I am a burden to them. On explaining this, the CPN said the other CPN should have told me (no apologies).  I asked when I could see them and was given a date in the morning. I take my daughter to her baby swim class and offered afternoon but this was not possible. 

When I asked for alternate dates, I was told they had no appointments that day. My husband was on speaker phone to verify this as we are being told one thing then another so I feel like I have to now keep a record of what is happening. So a date in January was proposed. I advised I was going on holiday and since I am on weekly dispense that I needed to make sure I had enough medication over this period of time and that the GP asked for them to confirm this was ok.  The CPN said they don't do that.  I basically had to beg for them to contact my GP as the psychiatrist in the CMHT deals with my medication. They then advised they would email. 

I contacted the lead who is in charge after raising concerns about the service and they came back to me to advise this CPN and another CPN would visit me.  You can imagine my confusion when I had already been told by one of the CPNS in question that they could not accommodate that day. At that point, my trust was completely broken.  I said I did not want this CPN anymore.

I have recently had a very upsetting telephone call from the team lead who has told me I have no choice in changing the CPN and basically told me that my account of things was untrue and that their CPN had never said some of the things I have noted down and have verified by my husband.  I told them I felt totally abandoned and that the handling of the CPN being reallocated and me not being told had made me even worse in respect of the panic attacks.  They were very unpleasant on the call. 

What is the problem with this service?  The care I received through perinatal was so good until the transfer and I can see more and more the issues probably came through CMHT.  I have no idea of a plan and I need structure.  I genuinely feel like I can't go to them and as I await the MBT course starting feel totally lost.  Please can someone help.  Why is there no accountability here?