"It was worth every second of my time"

I was struggling a lot with mood swings and suicidal thoughts. I was hating myself and physically hurting myself for every mistake I have made. I was self-sabotaging my life while desperately trying to understand why and fix myself. 

One stone I always was leaving untouched - Self-esteem. Because why would I suspect low self-esteem, when I am sure it is about the way you look and I know I am looking good.

The therapist was the one who opened my eyes on this issue. Apparently self-esteem is such a big emotional thing in our lives and is not only connected to the outside look but also the way we value ourselves. 

Therapist done amazing job educating me on the way self-esteem works, how to improve it, how low mood loops are working, how to maintain your window of tolerance in healthy condition and how to help myself to stay within that window.

I think what helped a lot is that I have came with an open mind and readiness to change myself. 

Therapist have made amazing job of providing all info I needed. He have kept me on the path by gently guiding through it and not letting me to go off the path. There was no judgement for my actions that I was doing in desperate attempts do understand my mind or to run away from myself (talking about alcohol and drugs abuse). It was amazing and scary to come to every session. Scary because - therapy is changing your life. And there are a lot of fear of "It won't be me anymore". 

But it is still me, better me. Me who is not yelling at myself "I hate you", instead I am happy to say "I love you" to myself. Me who is not expressing anger by punching walls or myself, instead I talk to myself in order to find the underlying problem. 

I am super grateful for the help provided to me! It was scary! It was worth every second of my time!

Thank you!