"I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my therapist and EMDR"

I have attended and dealt with many horrible incidents over a very intense 30 year career which i didn't think affected me. As a person i was macho, i was Captain Scarlet ,"a walking miracle", i carried on seeking adrenaline. I suppose I needed to keep busy because that was a coping strategy i had developed over time. In my original career i was surrounded by colleagues in the same boat as it were, i saw people who faltered or folded. How wrong was, I apologise.

My journey took me into volunteering with the ambulance service . During covid i worked through and one particular day where a combination of factors put me in a nightmare scenario, my nightmare scenario. I carried on as you do, i was working alone and everyone was "alone". So what happened to highlight to me i needed to ask for help. I was knackered, i was irritable, i put it down to lack of sleep . I couldn't sleep i was waking up with nightmares reliving this "trigger incident". This sparked off other incidents of trauma and like i was reliving it. My blood pressure after waking up from sleep was high , plus i had other health issues and worries.

What really bought it home was when other people started to ask me if i was alright . I wasn't at all , my wife noticed , i became short with friends . My g.p. who had given me tablets suggested i talk to someone. I went to a place for physio for an old injury where i had the opportunity to have a well man check up and it was suggested i spoke to someone on a mental health team. I knew I wasn't right so i did, at the same time i googled the world and his dog. I learned about the effect of stress continually to the human brain , parts of the brain and effects of the fight or flight syndrome, how too much chemical stimulation could change your persona  viz ME. I sought help and i entered into therapy. 

I was diagnosed with complex ptsd. I needed to know what was happening . After the realisation i needed help, i asked . At time it was an uphill struggle , sometimes faced with promises that didn't happen, some poor organisation, but i pushed and pushed and eventually was given  help in the form of E.M.D.R (you research it) all connected to rapid eye movement sleep , dreaming and the time you process trauma . Your hypocampus in your brain and another part called the amygdala are  essentially overworked and you have not processed the trauma properly which makes you basically relive it . I don't know how or why EMDR helps or works but it does and it has .

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my therapist and EMDR . Trauma  continuously will finish you off . I can talk about my experiences now without reliving and being emotional .

The brain is as much a physical entity as the rest of the body . Let's face it, without it nothing else works . so you eat healthy to keep all your physical assets fit what do you do for your brain ? Your mind? I knew not a lot about it but i have been educated and has been an intriguing journey . You are only human, give yourself time to process things properly. I cannot push this route enough for emergency service workers - no dithering as the nike logo says, just do it . Get it sorted. Sorted and it feels good. Remember that old saying : a trouble shared is a trouble halved ,always something in them isn't there.

My therapist and EMDR were amazing.