"Feel really misunderstood and unsupported"

I arrive at appointments feeling anxious, and sit in the bright white, over-heated, cramped, and loud waiting area that feels a little like a personal torture room. In the appointments, almost all I am told is that I should try to do the things that I am struggling to do, and that I would feel much better if I did them. Of course, I am already actively trying to do those things, and if I didn’t think they were worth doing I wouldn’t be upset and so severely affected by my struggle to do them.

When I told one of the senior doctors that I was anxious about my weight and health, I was essentially told that there are people of all shapes and sizes and but at least I have a pretty face. When I told the same doctor that my debilitating anxiety prevents me from being able to be in public without a full face of make-up, and that autistic masking has caused severe identity issues, I was told that I should wear makeup every day, and to fake it until I make it! When I tried to describe ADHD paralysis and executive dysfunction, I was told that people with ADHD tend to be doing too much and tend to be all over the place, rather than nothing or too little or feeling stuck (bear in mind, I have a formal ADHD diagnosis from the NHS!). Poor bedside manner is one thing, a seemingly total lack of understanding of neurodivergence is another, and what I have experienced feels completely tactless, problematic, and harmful.

At almost every appointment I have attended I have received no actual support or helpful advice. I am just told to do the things that I am struggling to do, but if the solution was as simple as that then I wouldn't be struggling to function and I wouldn't need to attend appointments in the first place. I dread every appointment and feel very misunderstood and unsupported. I feel worse after every appointment and feel like the appointments worsen my mental health. The appointments make me feel disheartened and hopeless, like I will never be able to access proper support that is suitable and beneficial, and that none of the doctors I have met are equipped to understand or support me. I know adequate and beneficial support exists because I have experience with support that has been extremely helpful, but this support has usually not been provided by the NHS.

I attend the appointments despite the negative effect they have on me because I feel like if I don’t I will be punished with a complete lack of access to any NHS support. In my experience, if you don’t find something helpful or don’t click with a doctor, then trying to raise the issues can cause you to be labeled as stubborn or difficult. However, my mental health has significantly worsened since being seen here. I do need help, and I desperately want to be, do, and feel, better, but what I experience at Brand Street isn't helping. I feel stuck and let down.