"Their kindness has changed my life"

I went for my first cervical screening test around 5-6 years ago. The test found that I had high-risk HPV, and at my next test cell changes were found and I received loop diathermy treatment. Because of this I had cervical smears quite frequently for a while - every 6-12 months.

Every test I had was carried out by the same nurse. Every single time she made me feel ashamed, upset, and like there was something wrong with my body. She laughed at me for my nerves at my first test, told me I was being 'ridiculous' when I cried at the pain, and made comments about 'being able to see a bit of my cervix missing' after my loop diathermy.

The tests always took ages - she told me I was a strange shape, and it always took forever to find my cervix because of this - and they always hurt, and I always bled quite a lot afterwards.

All of this made me feel deeply ashamed, and scared that my body was somehow dysfunctional. I developed serious issues with intimacy and a severe fear of being touched in that area - as a result, I didn't have sex for 4 years, something I've only recently managed to move past.

After my last smear I was discharged for 3 years, and was recently due my next screening. Naturally I was terrified, as I knew another bad experience could potentially trigger all of those feelings and fears again.

I explained the situation to the nurse I saw for my contraceptive review when I knew my next screening was coming up, and she was so helpful and supportive. She assured me that the nurse in question had since retired, and explained some options that could make me more comfortable (double appointments, bringing a chaperone, etc.).

My experience at my recent screening could not have been more different. I spoke to the nurse about my past experiences, and she was extremely kind, patient and reassuring. The screening itself was quick and painless, with no bleeding - this shocked me, as I had always been given the impression that pain was unavoidable due to the shape/position of my cervix. It was a profound relief, and I can't say enough good things about the nurse who treated me (Tess).

Now in my 30s, and with these experiences behind me, I feel comfortable and confident advocating for myself, but this was very different when I was younger. I wish I'd put in a complaint about the original nurse at the time, but as I was made to feel so ashamed and like it was 'my fault' somehow, I never felt able to do so. The negative impact on my life was profound, and I feel so angry and upset for my younger self that she had to put up with so much pain and guilt - something that I now understand was unnecessary, now that I've experienced the alternative.

I know so many people who should be having cervical screening who don't get them due to fears about pain or humiliation - fears that, in my case, weren't unfounded. It's such an intimate and exposing procedure, which requires a caring, empathetic and supportive approach.

While I want to highlight the poor care given by the original nurse, to ensure it doesn't happen again, my intention with this story is primarily to give positive feedback about the two nurses who subsequently helped me (the one who gave advice prior to my appointment and the one who carried it out).

It's not an exaggeration to say that their kindness has changed my life, as another bad experience could have done serious damage to my mental health. I want to say thank you to them, and I hope that the practice will consider taking steps to ensure that all of their cervical screening nurses are able to provide care of this standard.