"Overcoming cannabis & Alcohol addiction"

I have been using cannabis since 1994.  I finally conceded that - yes Marijuana can be addictive, and that indeed - 'I AM AN ADDICT'.  This may seem obvious to anyone reading this - but I was one of those people that would say 'that cannabis is just a harmless plant, not addictive and I could stop anytime I wanted to, I just didn't want to stop because it was MY choice to use it and MY right to do so' - nobody could tell me otherwise.

 But I now realise how wrong and stupidly ignorant I had been, I was only kidding myself.  

At work I thought I could conceal my habit from my bosses and work colleagues - I thought I was getting away with it - but in reality - they knew!...they just felt sorry for me, they didn't really know what to do about it and were keeping an eye on what I was up to...my work responsibilities were being gradually taken away from me, and I was increasingly being treated like the idiot I actually was.  My attitudes to situations were vastly different, poor and uncontrolled - I had numerous situations, confrontations and outbursts which I would have previously handled with ease and professionalism but instead did not because my mind was not what it should have been, 'I threw my toys out of the pram' quite a lot.  My memory and knowledge became totally unreliable and my value as an employee was questionable - I left a good job with a good salary to take some time out - but really all I did was pursue my enjoyment of cannabis and alcohol further.

My relationship fell apart, and we separated - I had worked hard to disguise my usage from my kids and other family members - and I thought I was brilliant at it - I now realise that - again I was the only one being fooled!. 

So here I am almost 50 years old - separated, Living back with  my parents, no money except benefits-  my children wont even speak to me, I fell out with all my friends and associates I have no job and have forgotten most of the stuff I once knew which had kept me in my job - so now I need to re-train and re-learn most of it. I almost have to start my life again.  

So it eventually dawned on me, and I had to admit to myself that I did indeed have a problem.  I decided it was time - I HAD to stop, I had to think about it for a long time - I mulled over my decision, how I had gotten in to this terrible place and I planned how I could try to do something about it.  I thought back to the first time I had given up all those years ago, and remembered just how much 'hell' it had been - so I knew I had to be prepared for the war I was going to put myself through.  I made myself realise that it was an 'all or nothing venture' - If I'm gonna do this I need to properly make my mind up - understand what has happened to me, how this has gotten a hold of me, and that if I dont change now - then whats left of my life will be just a miserable blur and I WOULD end up living on the streets as a bum.  

I would have to put 110 percent effort into stopping and overcoming this addiction. There would be no half measures in the process - I had to make myself 'well' again before I could even think about trying to repair the rest of my life.   I had to accept that some parts of my life were gone forever and could not be repaired - friends and acquaintances had long moved on with their lives - I now realise some of these 'friends' were best left in the past, they weren't really my friends,

They weren't laughing with me - but at me!, they were enemy's in disguise.  Some had actively contributed to my downfall and had laughed whilst knowingly destroying me...these are the people you dont need! 

So I planned my rehabilitation and realised I would need help - I set my date for stopping, and sought out help.  Its there - but you HAVE TO WANT IT! and You can stop using - but YOU HAVE TO WANT TO!

Unfortunately - There is NO EASY FIX - NO shortcut or magic pill - it takes time and determination.  

I spoke with my GP, and contacted these associations for help = 

'One recovery Bucks' - 'Bucks talking therapies' and 'Bucks Mind' -upon their recommendations I also started going to Narcotics anonymous. 

I admit I was sceptical that these people or talking about stuff would help to fix me and my addiction, but I was wrong.  I have found that the 'One recovery Bucks' group were EXCELLENT - my Councillor and the group sessions were significant in my recovery to date.  If your reading this and considering using One recovery bucks - I would highly recommend seeing them -Just get on and DO IT!!!.  I do advise that YOU HAVE TO WANT TO STOP ! and you need to be prepared to engage yourself ! It is NOT impossible -  this WILL take work and effort on your part !.

Listen to them, and listen to the other people in the groups, their stories and their struggles, it WILL help you understand and cope with the challenges you are going through. At first I didn't get it I thought they were telling me stuff which is common sense, stuff I already knew?? - but very soon I got it  - I understood, and I really looked forward to going to the sessions - every time I came away with lots to think about and process - it proved so so useful. 

A MASSIVE THANKS to ONE RECOVERY BUCKS for helping me through my bad times. I would particularly like to thanks Marios, Jordan, Bo, Nikki, and Asha for their advice, guidance and support. 

Good luck and best wishes to all.