"I felt like I didn't matter as a person"

I recently had my booking appointment in Ballymena. I would like to make a complaint about that appointment.

I have had 4 miscarriages, and very lucky to be at this stage in pregnancy and I am over the moon. I have been seeing a doctor based in the Causeway Hospital due to the losses. The doctor has been amazing and very supportive. I thought I would get the same standard of care across the board but clearly not.

I got took off to get my weight and height done by a student nurse, my partner was told to wait behind- that was okay.

Before my weight was taken, I made the student aware that they should not tell me my weight as it would trigger me. I told them for many years I have struggled with eating and food and my mental health especially in regard to depression after the miscarriages.

The nurse didn't tell me my weight but later during the appointment another midwife made me very aware of my weight and had no regard to my mental health in another part of the appointment. 

A very lovely midwife then came in and introduced themself and reassured me about getting my bloods done, I have bad veins, a fainter and a panicker. They calmed me down and again they were amazing! 10/10 for their attitude and care!

We moved onto getting scanned and this is where the problems officially started.

The member of staff scanning me asked if I had a full bladder, I said as full as I can get it, they then questioned me. I told them I have been drinking as much as possible but I have had to go to the toilet very frequently, but I have been drinking water like crazy. It turned into a bit of a back and forth with them having a go at me for not having a full bladder, and me saying I can't help if I need to go to the toilet. They were rude, condescending, and patronising.

They then proceeded to ask if I had scans before, I said yes, all internal, then questioned me even more why, I told them that's what the doctor had done because of my history and the location of my womb. They scoffed at me and said there was no need and kept saying stuff. At this point I stopped listening to them and I was getting quite angry at how they was treating me.

During the scan, they just went that's that, that's that and that's that. And I felt like crying with how poorly I was treated. The image they were showing me didn't look like anything and they didn't take the time to just be kind. As it was my first external normal scan, I was so excited to see baby, especially as I never got this far. But no, I cried. The scan pictures you couldn't even tell what was what. My 10-week scan you could see limbs, my 12-week scan all you could see was lines. I went back out to the waiting room and booked a private scan straight away because I felt so awful about how I was treated.

We moved onto the booking part of the appointment and again my partner was told to wait outside, it was a different midwife again. They seemed quite nice, but I felt quite fat shamed, I felt awkward and embarrassed and like I was sat in front of a judge. They asked what medication I was on and I told them progesterone that the doctor prescribed to me, and the doctor told me to take extra vitamin d and normal folic acid. They then went on a bit of a rant about how overweight I am I should be taking a double dose of folic acid and how I'm harming the baby. They then went on another rant about aspirin. I have been seeing a doctor since 6 weeks and they never once told me about a double dose of folic acid, they never once mentioned anything about my weight. They made me feel comfortable! And this member of staff in the space on an hour made me never want to see food again, made me feel like a bad mum before I am.

I was told by the doctor to ask during the booking appointment to ask to be seen by them in their clinic instead of the midwives if that's what I wanted. I said I would prefer that, I asked the midwife if that was possible and they told me no, after asking them a few times they said they would put it in the notes but no guarantees. I had to literally beg them to let me be seen by the person who I've only had positive experiences with.

I got a call from a dietitian. I was confused, the midwife referred me to a dietitian without asking me. I got told they want to see me every 4 weeks. They said the midwife would have spoken to me about it and asked if I wanted referred. They didn't speak to me about this.

As my first proper appointment I hated it, I cried, I felt like I didn't matter as a person. They were insensitive, harsh and cold. How can I go from being treated amazingly to being sent home in tears? Again I want to say the one member of staff was amazing, they only took my blood, but they were very caring, and from a scared person they made the whole experience very pleasant. But the other two members of staff I would hope I never see again. They were just so unprofessional.

The fact I never got asked if I wanted referred to a dietitian, and after explaining at the start about my relationship with my weight this has triggered me drastically. I'm still struggling with it.