"More op for closure of loop illeostomy"

I’ve had a few pre ops now and for far more major surgery. This is the final step for me, reversal of the loop. It’s obviously a very big deal for me as I await my date with a high degree of expectation. But the nurse was not altogether positive with me. They said the surgeon was probably waiting to see if I was fit enough before scheduling the surgery. Well, I’m far fitter than I was when I had the original big op and I’m not just fit for age but am fit for most ages - as my surgeon knows as we have had a very bumpy road to get to this point. I could really have done without the anxiety that the nurse was assessing my fitness and could stop my operation. I have lived every day in high expectation of this reversal. I would never have agreed to original surgery had I known I might be denied reversal and I’m fit, not overweight and have worked hard to add to my fitness pre surgery. I’m certainly fitter than almost all of the people I saw on my ward getting surgery previously. If my surgeon has doubts about my fitness - which I find extraordinary as he knows me well and this has never been an issue. And I need to keep stressing I’m extremely fit for any age!  I’d have rather had no surgery and no bag had I known I’d be patronised at this the - final hurdle - that should be joyful.  Yes, take my stats etc and bloods but please ensure it’s the sugeon who ultimately decides when I get the surgery, as he will. Please don’t make me feel like the decision is being taken at pre op stage. 

Let me just say - I am a fit weight of around 60 kilos. I take exercise daily including rigorous exercise, I don’t smoke, barely drink and eat a healthy diet. And my much bigger op was entirely successful - went without any hitches - (bar the post op infection which had nothing to do with my level of fitness).  So an appointment that should have been reassuring made me feel anxious and very much ‘put in my place’.  The nurse did mellow towards me at the end of the appointment but I want to make it clear that I am FIT for surgery. I was promised this surgery and my agreement for the main operation was entirely based on the assurance I would get this reversal (and yes I accept that had there been a surgical reason for things to change that’s a risk - we nearly had that situation but miraculously got through it. The surgeon and I have been through a lot together.)

Everyone has been exceptionally kind to me at Antrim and went above and beyond to make this nightmare a positive experience. This is the first time I felt like a statistic that needed to be held in check. 

It’s surely ok for me to ask when my surgery might be - it being a pre op after all. But I was made to feel I was making assumptions that it would happen at all.