"Lack of professionalism and empathy leading to birth trauma"

I was induced due to developing pre eclampsia. Prior to this I was working with mnpi who helped create a care plan for me while in labour as I had previous trauma which made internal examinations extremely hard, one thing it specified was gas and air was to be offered during these. The midwife who inserted the balloon and looked after me to start with was fantastic and I cannot fault her. A short while after the balloon was inserted my waters broke and it was removed, they noticed then that my baby’s heart rate had dropped extremely low. During this time other midwife’s we’re on the ward and would not tell us what was going on and kept snapping at me and my birth partner, told me they were going to take me to labour and delivery and apply a fse, never explained why or what it was. 

In labour and delivery when doing an internal check, which they almost refused gas and air, they started to all act panicked and rush about the room, more staff came in made me climb from one bed to another, still not telling me what was happening. My mum asked them to explain what was going on as I was started to get very upset and worried and they snapped at her and told her they were trying to sort a plan first. They then explain I was having a cord prolapse and they needed to rush me to theatre immediately. I asked before they took me out the room if I could phone my partner who was on his way and they said yes you can phone him in a moment.  They then rushed me out the door towards theatre where I asked again if I could phone my partner as I knew I wouldn’t be allowed once in theatre and was snapped at again and told that the baby was in danger so I didn’t have time.

In theatre I took the worst panic attack I have ever experienced. I felt truly terrified throughout the full thing. Staff were grabbing me and pulling my clothes off, a catheter was inserted and an internal examination done, none of which I was asked for consent or even spoke to about it. I felt extremely vulnerable and unsafe. The anesthesiologist explained babys cord had came out too far and they had to put me under GA. 

I found out afterwards that after I had been took out the room my mum asked if she would be able to come in with me and they told her yes and they would be back in a minute to get her sorted. Shortly after that my partner arrived and when he asked the staff when he got in if he could come in they said yes we will be through to get you sorted.  10 minutes later they hadn’t heard anything and when my partner asked what was happening he was yet again snapped at and simply told that me and baby had been in danger, and that someone would speak to them soon. They were told a while after that baby was born.

When I came to a midwife who had been in theatre with me came to speak to us and told us they had to have multiple people to pin me down to insert the catheter and do the internal check. I had blocked this memory out as it was so traumatic but now regularly relive it. This would be traumatic to anyone, as someone who had previous trauma this is something to this day that keeps me up at night. 

My experience was shockingly bad, there was a lack of professionalism, empathy and communication. I am currently going through treatment for birth trauma because of what happened. I understand the full thing was an emergency, but not only did the way it was handled ruin my experience, it has left me feeling as though I will never be able to have more children as I am terrified of being in the same situation.