"Lack of kindness and support"

Queen Elizabeth university Hospital. A family member is under the care of an endocrinologist- he is very unwell and concerned I’m sure as well as afraid-he has been told he has cancer with spread.

His wife was with him to meet the with the consultant to have a first discussion so delighted to have an opportunity to meet this expert in whom they have absolute faith. She was hoping for kindness and discussion, of a supportive plan, and to bring this information back to our wider family to give us, and in particular our mother (who is in her 80s), much needed kindness and reassurance.

She advised the consultant she would be writing some notes to help her remember and take back information to her husband and to help them assimilate the complex information during this frightening time, and allow them to explain things to the rest of the desperately concerned family.

At this most vulnerable time in our family journey, when they were in need or caring and practical support and reassurance from this expert, who holds their hopes in his or her hands, the reply my relative received was not just uncivil but cruel, I feel it took advantage of my relative's vulnerability. The consultant asked -  Why do you need to write notes? Unless any of your family are endocrinologist.

The cruelty of this response and this flippant remark was inexcusable. We are so shocked, so betrayed, so hurt, I wonder if tonight this consultant has any idea of the increased pain and discomfort they have caused our family at this most crucial time?

I was so convinced that they were in safe hands and that this retrograde response by a person in a powerful position was a thing of the past. I am so sad - I am so ashamed that the health service still allows this sort of bullying behaviour and an outdated power relationship.

This person has discouraged vulnerable people from approaching them to ask for their sage advice - and just their kindness- a moment of human compassion which would have cost them nothing . They chose to make this response and it cannot be unsaid.

First do no harm, that’s all we asked, if nothing else could be done for our relative all we wanted was to know they would be met with gentle kindness. Please QEUH, share this with your medical team . The person doesn’t need to be named and shamed - but they should know that people may forget what you do and even what you say, but they Never Forget how you make them feel .