"My Birth Story"

I have some great positives of care but also areas where I felt really vulnerable and let down by the trust. I wanted to share my experience to ask for answers to questions that I have, and also in the hope my negatives don't happen to anyone else.

Firstly, on hospital instruction, after my waters broke, I came in. I was having painful contractions and my waters were continually leaking - I was made to sit, soaking wet, in pain and uncomfortable, in the waiting room for more than 5 hours before being told to go home - why couldn't I have been told to stay at home in the first instance, or offered some privacy by the hospital whilst I waited, instead of the embarrassment of having to sit for hours in my own bodily fluids? This was uncomfortable & degrading.

Upon return to the hospital when I could no longer cope with the pain at home, I again had to wait another couple of hours through painful contractions to be assessed and referred to home-from-home. This process of waiting is incredibly distressing, particularly when I had been having painful contractions without pain relief for 12 hours.

In EOU we were seen by Aisling, who was compassionate and empathetic. In home-from-home we were looked after by Katie who was great and made us feel safe. Unfortunately I had to be transferred to labour ward to have an oxytocin drip, which was disappointing for me but I understood. I requested the room in labour ward with a birthing pool because I was determined to have a water birth therefore I refused pain medication and only accepted morphine injections when the midwives instructed that my baby would not arrive in the next 4 hours and therefore I could still get in the pool when it was time to push.

Following my birthing experience, the community midwives have told me that following a morphine injection you are now able to enter the birthing pool after 2 hours - why was I told to wait 4 hours during my labour? Throughout my labour I was able to walk around, sit on the birthing stool and bounce on a ball. It was incredibly painful for me to lay on my back and I vocalised this throughout the labour. Whilst in labour ward despite my constant insistence that I wanted to use the pool, the pool was never filled and I was never allowed to use it - why was it never even offered as a form of pain relief?

If the midwives knew that I would be unable to get into the pool for whatever reason, why was this not communicated to me or my husband? I was in excruciating pain and the only reason I did not get an epidural is because I wanted to birth in the pool. I feel let down at the lack of communication and support around inability to use the birthing pool. I was in labour for 30 hours with just gas and air and a couple of morphine injections - if there was no possibility of birthing in the pool I would have asked for an epidural early on.

At one point I was told by midwife in labour ward that I was fully dilated and it was time to start pushing. I told them that I had no urge to push and that I didn't feel any different. They insisted that during contractions I push. They also insisted that I lay on my back with my feet in stirrups while I pushed. I told them that this was a really painful position and that I would rather stand or be on all 4's - to which they were adamant that I had to be on my back - they never explained why this was a must, even though my entire labour I had been allowed to be active.

The midwife asked me to use the toilet to empty my bladder, which I did, and then told me the baby wasn't coming because my bladder was full, they didn't believe that I had used the toilet and would have to empty my bladder themself - this was painful and my husband tells me nothing came out when they did this. It was frustrating to not be believed.

I pushed during my contractions, for 2 hours. I had to argue to be allowed to get off my back and get on all 4s. It was incredibly stressful to have to argue whilst in a vulnerable position to advocate for myself to be allowed to not be on my back. When I told them that I didn't feel like I was making any progress and my baby wasn't coming they replied multiple times that it's because I'm not trying hard enough, I'm not doing a good enough job. This was heartbreaking for me and still is - I did more than 30hours of labour for my baby to be delivered by C section. I tried my absolute best and I am gutted to be told that I didn't.

The end of my labour was horrible as I spent it arguing with the midwife. Every other midwife was amazing and supportive, so this ruined the experience. The doctors in theatre were amazing and helped us to feel calm and safe during an incredibly stressful time.

Afterwards I have been told that my baby was back-to-back, she was prevented by a lip that stopped her coming naturally and that I was never fully dilated, so making me push for two hours did nothing but stress me out - and this is in my notes, that the midwives knew baby was in the wrong position and that I was not fully dilated - why was I being made to push? and then being told I wasn't doing good enough? why allow me to have such a long labour before even suggesting that a section may be the only safe option?