"Being in a dark place and coming out of the other side."

I had been feeling burnt out and drained for over a year and decided to seek help from my local GP who had me fill in a self-referral to the Wellbeing Support Team for Perth and Kinross. It took around 8 weeks to get an appointment. The week before I was issued my first appointment, I took the week off work feeling utterly miserable and exhausted, and in a very dark place. I felt s*icidal and depressed. I felt completely trapped in my job as a teacher and utterly overwhelmed and unable to juggle and all consuming job, along with family life. My son was not coping at school, and I was getting really worried about his mental health too, but felt unable to support him in my current state. I took the week off work to allow time to try and focus on getting my son the help he needed.

I wound up being absent for 6 months and am soon to return to work (in a different role) having been approved medical redeployment. My son has been diagnosed as Autistic, and I too am on the NHS wait list for an autism assessment.

At the beginning of my journey with Jan at the Wellbeing Support Team, I was riddled with guilt and anxiety at being off work, and felt I was letting the school and the pupils down by not being back at work. I was overwhelmed with the challenges of getting help and support for my son who was suffering greatly with school and life in general. I felt like a bad mother, a bad wife, and a terrible work colleague. I genuinely felt lost and alone and unable to cope.

In our first ever appointment, Jan gently explain to me that I had to put my oxygen mask on first.

I increased my anxiety medication, which left me in a bit of a fog for a month, but I soon felt the effects of the increase and was able to start thinking more clearly. I was able to acknowledge that I had been pouring from an empty cup, for a very long time.

The following 6 months of one-one sessions with Jan, saw me working on many aspects of my life. I started doing more things for myself to aid my mental health and well-being, such as pilates, needle felting and upholstery courses, as well as gardening and decorating.

I felt far more able to help my son and spent the time contacting the educational psychology team, CAMHS, occupational therapy, speech and language, as well as investigating possible epilepsy (absent seizures) with my sons paediatrician. I now had the time and energy to advocate for him at childsplan meetings with his school and attend PKAVS parent and career meetings. I went on virtual parenting courses ran by tayside OT to learn about my sons sensory issues. I found a therapist to help my son with his emotional regulation and set up weekly sessions for him. I had the time to help him.

I started to feel less and less guilty about being absent from my job, and more and more driven to help my son, and improve my mental health so I could be the best support for him.

After discussion with my sons therapist, his paediatrician, the school, and following the results of an EEG, it became apparent that my son may be neurodivergent.

I utilised my time off work to investigate autism and adhd and recognised several qualities and traits that I, too, possess.

This was was a huge turning point for me. I discussed it with Jan, from the Wellbeing Support Team, and she helped me to process some of the information I had acquired and think about how this may have lead to my burnout.

Much of what I have learned about neurodivergence has helped me to grasp why I was struggling with my role(s) as a teacher/mother/wife/sister/daughter/friend.

After careful consideration I decided that the all-consuming nature of being a teacher, was not right for me at this time in my life, and I began exploring possible opportunities outwith teaching.

My headteacher organised a OH meeting and the OH report suggested medical redeployment to a non-teaching role was advised.

I look forward to starting a new position as a pupil support assistant. I may return to teaching one day, but for now this role is perfect for my family and for me.

My son is doing better, although there is a bit a journey ahead for him. Thankfully I’m in a better place to support and guide him toward what lies ahead.

On our final session, Jan asked me what I would say to the person I was 6 months again in that first initial appointment. I said “Take the time you need to get better. Put your oxygen mask on first. Take the time. Things will get better and you will get through this. You are strong enough to overcome this darkness, I promise.”