"A horrific gynecology appointment"

I live with chronic endometriosis, ive had it for about 10 years now. Ive had 5 miscarriages and 1 successful pregnancy, a boy, now 11. I have had 2 laparoscopies with endo growth back both times. 

Since my second laparoscopy I was told there's no way they'd do a 3rd nor would I get a hysterectomy. I reached out to some of the best doctors in Scotland and was recommended by Edinburgh University hospital that my local gyn see me and fill out a simple referral for me to see the endometrial clinic in Glasgow. I was so hopeful.

I waited 3 years for this gyn appt. The local gyn doctor I saw told me I didn't need to see the endometrial clinic because the best and only way to treat endometriosis is the coil. They were unwilling to listen to how much worse the pain had got, they told me there's no denying I have endometriosis but they would only recommend treatment via the coil.

I told them it would be difficult to insert a coil with my body, the way I'm built, I couldn't even give birth naturally in the end, it was dangerous and that I feared how painful it would be as well. They persisted I try it, it's my only and best option and noone would consider giving me a hysterectomy due to my age, 34. 

If this is the only option I thought I should try it. My husband was there, he said if it's all you can do then maybe consider it. So I did, they tried to perform it there and then at the appointment, as they began it was proving difficult for them to locate my cervix. I'm holding my breath trying not to cry or scream at this point, it took forever just to get the scope in.

As they continue, the pain gets worse, they are holding my cervix clamped, struggling to insert the coil. I'm screaming and crying out loud, howling, biting down on my arm. They ask if they should stop. I say through tears, if your nearly there just do it, they continued and then I couldn't take anymore, i let out a huge scream as they tried to put the coil in. They said will stop to which I was screaming, ok, get it out, please get it out! 

They aborted the procedure, they said they were very sorry and left. I didnt see them again after that. I left feeling violated despite giving them full permission, it was just so horrible, painful, uncomfortable. 

The coil couldn't be inserted as I thought and I was shaking, I was so sore afterwards and so upset I didn't want to talk to family, i didnt want to face work the next day. I just sobbed at home.

I wrote a letter to my gp detailing what happened thinking where do I go from here? My gp has referred me time and time again trying to help me, doing all they can as a gp. 

All I was there for was to get a referral form filled out by gynaecology so I could see a Dr at the endo clinic in Glasgow. Thats all it required. All I want was a hysterectomy. I can't have kids anymore, I've tried and failed for years, my son is 11. I dont want anymore kids now. I just want to live pain free without endometriosis.

I've tried everything, there's no way in hell il ever get the coil now, certainly not to repeat it every 5 years! Im traumatised. All I needed was to see the endo clinic in Glasgow. Maybe they'd have handled the coil better if that really was the only option. 

The way I'm living is really no way to live. I'm in pain most of each month. I'm lucky to get a week without pain. My stomach and thighs are heavily scarred from over use of hot water bottles heat packs and a tense machine called my Oovi.

I'm fed up of pain medication. I'm seeing a mental health professional it affects me that much I can't get on with normal daily life. The fatigue, headaches, numbness, pain. Intercourse can be painful or cause pain, same with even simply going to the toilet.

The gynaecology doctor I saw didn't even want to hear any of this they just cut me off, pushing the coil as the best and only method. 

I feel I'm at a loss now.

I dont know where else to go.