"The lifeline of therapy"

I was experiencing a terrible time at work through bullying and witnessing awful behaviour including racism, homophobia and other misconduct. After reporting it and having no action taken, I just couldn’t cope anymore and eventually had a breakdown.  I was terrified I was going to lose my job and it turn, lose my home.  I had hit rock bottom.

I was is such a dark place. I couldn’t speak to family or friends about what I was going through as I felt such a failure, I felt ashamed that I was an adult being bullied and isolated.  I felt that I should be able to deal with this, but I just couldn’t.  I stopped going out of the house, I couldn’t go to work. I was barely sleeping.  I was overwhelmed with anxiety and had started experiencing panic attacks and was suffering with work related stress which led to severe depression.  Reflecting back, I can see the more I withdrew, the worse things were becoming, until I reached a point where I just didn’t want to live anymore.  I felt desperate and that the only way for the deep despair I was feeling could end would be to d*e.  I was very unwell and decided to make a plan. This was a pinnacle point for me, as when searching for ways to end my l*fe I found this service.  I nervously  completed the online form thinking to myself I had nothing left to lose.

I received a call fairly quickly to arrange a telephone assessment.  I felt terrified at the thought of having to open up  to a complete stranger about what had been happening to me, but the caller was so calm and reassuring.  He had a list of questions to work through and this really helped me as it was easier to find the words to answer questions.  At that point I would have struggled to tell my story unprompted.  Fairly soon after this I was contacted again by the service to start therapy.

I was so apprehensive about beginning therapy, I couldn’t see how talking could possibly help me out of the dark despair I was feeling.  I can’t pretend I found it easy, it was hard for me to open up and it took me time to trust the process, but I am so glad I did.  

I have had two therapists with this service, Fariha and then Kimberley. They were both fantastic.  I have worked with Kimberley for four months and she has helped me so much, challenging my thought processes in a positive and supportive way, encouraging me to think differently and consider different options in my life that I just didn’t think I could because I felt so stuck. 

There is no blame, there is no shame. Therapy is a safe space to share how you are feeling, what has hurt, worried or affected you. It’s space to reflect and consider coping strategies.  

I can reflect back and see what a positive impact therapy has had on my progress with recovery.  I still have a way to go.  I still have struggles, but they are more manageable due to the support I have been receiving.  Therapy has been so grounding for me.  It has literally saved my life and I don’t think there are enough words to express my gratitude and thanks to the therapists that have worked with me, and to this service.

If you are struggling with the thought of therapy, if you are feeling apprehensive, scared of worried, I would encourage you to trust the process and try it.