"Deeply upset that I needed to enter the maternity area"

My pregnancy got off to a difficult start, resulting in me needing to attend the Antrim EPU on two occasions for a suspected/threatened miscarriage. 

This was a big deal for me and very scary although I understand the staff in the hospital must see this frequently. 

On my first visit I felt that the staff were busy and disinterested. I felt that I did not matter because my pregnancy was in the early stages. 

I was deeply upset that I needed to enter the Maternity area of the hospital and wait in the same space as those having successful, full-term pregnancies. As I waited I could see many heavily pregnant people waddling around as well as others coming and going with their babies. When I initially presented to the desk on the ward I could hear babies crying.  This made an upsetting and scary experience even more traumatic.

My sister who accompanied me for support was upset and angry that I was in such close proximity to new babies at that delicate time which led to me needing to console her rather than focusing on my own needs. When I later had my baby and my sister came to visit me, she was distracted by her memories of that day as I was in the same area of the hospital again.

The second time I needed to attend EPU, I was further into my pregnancy and attached to the idea of becoming a mummy. This made it an even more painful and scary experience than my first visit. My husband who accompanied me agreed that it was very difficult to wait in the hallway where new babies and new mummies were passing us constantly. 

I was very upset, embarrassingly so, and this caused a lot of staff on the ward to look at me as I was crying. Someone who I believe to be a female consultant (blonde hair) came up and hugged me, reassured me and helped us get a seat. Her kindness has stayed with me although I did not get her name. I also wish I'd got the name of the female staff members who scanned me on both dates. Both ladies were very professional yet kind and they made me feel safe and reassured. 

 I wish that the EPU/ Scanner could have been in a different area of the hospital where women experiencing suspected child loss can receive investigations in a private space away from the full term mummies and the sights and sounds of new babies and families celebrating.