"Lack of help for vulnerable people"

I have a few undiagnosed issues that affect my day to day living. I get very overstimulated easy leading to panic attacks. Severe depression and a complete lack of self care (showering, clean clothes etc). My house is a bombsite and it overwhelms to the point I struggle to sort it out. I have severe anger issues resulting in several broken doors in my flat. Because of this anger I lock myself away from people as often as I can, leading to me finding it increasingly harder to go out, and when I do I'm on edge and have shouted at people and ended up fighting and being imprisoned so I don't go out because of that.

I have tried to contact social work numerous times, only to be told we can't give you an assessment unless you have a diagnosis. But I can't get a diagnosis because I'm too anxious to call me doctors or attend appointments leaving me in a horrible cycle of anxiety, rage and depression.

I had a phone call recently with social work and the member of staff I spoke to was absolutely disgusting and threatened to hang up the call several times because I was interrupting them. As I didn't feel they were listening I felt I needed to get my point across so interrupted a couple times. I then explained why I do this and that I don't mean to do it and they got very defensive and told me there's nothing social work can do for me.

I feel they are failing a very vulnerable adult in myself and it's breaking my heart and pushing me to the point of losing the plot. I don't know where to turn as I get failed at every single chance the NHS gets. They had plenty of opportunity to help me when I was younger but blamed it on learned behaviour. I know for a fact I'm neurodivergent and I need the support put in place to help me live a normal life because at the moment I'm surviving and I hate every single day.

If I could press a button and not wake up again I would. I don't feel suicidal or want to harm myself in any way, but I do feel I wish I was never born and I hate life and the way it is and the way the world is becoming. I'm becoming increasingly influenced by crazy conspiracy theories and it's warping my perception of reality and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I don't know where to turn to as I feel I'm being shunned every chance they get and that no one cares and they want me to suffer in silence. I'm absolutely sick of seeking help and being kicked to the curb. It's embarrassing and someone needs to help me before I lose my sense of reality.

This has been an ongoing failure from me being a small child to me now being in my late 20s with zero diagnosis and still struggling daily. I was also put on for psychiatry but due to not being able to leave the house to attend appointments I was struck of and told to start again.