"Stigma in Mental Health Services"

A couple of years ago I was referred to the mental health assessment service team by my CPN as I was in crisis. 

The nurse I spoke to on the phone knew me as I had attended a STEPPS group run by them previously. When I told them that I was actively suicidal, they were very dismissive. They didn't to do anything further, offer me an appointment, medication, extra phone support or anything.

I feel they based the outcome of my crisis purely on knowing I had Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. No matter what I said or how much risk I was in, they knew my diagnosis and made up their mind about what kind of help I needed before even listening to what had been happening.

I left the phone call feeling like I was almost being dared to act on my urges. Luckily a good friend stepped in to help me, as I don't know if I would be here otherwise. I am aware that people with my diagnosis, including myself, can experience crisis regularly and often don't need outside help to get through them, but at this point I had followed my NHS agreed crisis plan and my CPN had made the referral based on my safety. 

More recently I was on the waiting list for EMDR and was unfortunately allocated this same nurse. I felt really uncomfortable about speaking to them again. When I explained that I had been doing really well but had had a dip recently, they immediately suggested that I was feeling that was just a way to hold on to mental health services. I had already explained that I had been tapering off my medication at my own request and that I had expressed to my CPN that I wished to be discharged soon.

The nurse continued to say that this was my way of holding on to support. Did not consider even for a second that my medication would have anything to do with it, I feel that they have a set belief about what people with personality disorders act like. I had actually been going through a dip because of burn out from work, but they didn't seem to care about any of that. 

This might seem very mild - and it is compared to some people - but if a person trained in mental health can't see past a diagnosis and treat someone as a human, how can the rest of the population? 

I decided I couldn't work on trauma with someone who continued to invalidate me and as a result, I appear to be at the bottom of a waiting list again after making it the top previously. How was I supposed to feel safe disclosing abuse to someone determined to believe I am manipulating a system I am desperately trying to heal from? I have no idea why they felt the need to interpret my situation this way.

I feel, because of my personality disorder diagnosis I have been treated abhorrently by health professionals. This isn't my first negative experience with mental health services in Highland. I just want to be treated like a person, not a diagnosis.