"Medications and trying to get help"

Was admitted to Succoth Ward in August 2021, due to having palpitations, caused by some of the medication I was taking. Psychiatrist had reduced the doses back to the start, but I went on holiday, and was left without starting one of my medications.

So had severe withdrawal etc. when we were away, also when we came back I was admitted, and they quickly increased my dose over the course of one week. I started hearing music, staff said this was caused by grief due to hearing about my dad passing, who I hadn't seen for a while due to estrangement from family. I asked them if they were sure it's not Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), as another patient I spoke to said they had this experience also, due to their GP making a similar mistake with medication, but they told me again it was grief.

Anyway, later I started engaging in Occupational Therapy, and was feeling better. By the November was wanting to leave, but they said, maybe I could in 4 more weeks.

Mid November, out of nowhere, they decided to prescribe a new sleeping tablet (zopiclone) for 2 weeks, I said it was making me ill so they then put me on a different medication (perizadine) for a few days, a lower dose, but that was also leaving me ill so they then put me back on a lower dose of the first medication for 2 weeks.

By the time I was due to leave in December 2021, I wasn't good. My other medications for my depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder had stopped working. I didn't get home in the December.

They then put me back on the increased dose of sleep medication for a month. The lower dose and my other tablets weren't working, so I was taken off, a week or so before. I was discharged at the beginning of March 2022. While in the hospital I was feeling suicidal, on admission and before exit.

I was promised Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT), told over the phone it would be in the May of 2022. Then, a few weeks later, was told face to face as an outpatient, and that it would be with overnight stays after sessions. In the end I didn't get it.

I felt discriminated against after telling them, over the phone, that I shouldn't have been given the sleep medication I was on along with the antidepressant, because it was already a sleeper, but had been given for depression. As a side effect, this could make the patient suicidal.

Stopped medication, was suicidal at home for 4 months. I had written suicide notes, and told them this on the phone.

Also staff knew I was well, and then not so well all of a sudden. I wanted admitted in September 2022, to get help, to get back to a routine, as I was only going out with support worker once a week, and sometimes the chaplain, who knew I was suicidal at the time, and every weekend was planning to harm myself.

Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) would call weekly, and tell the psychiatrist about this. Nothing was done. Didn't do face-to-face, would barely call, and knew I was nervous about incoming calls.

My chaplain took me to A&E the week before Christmas 2022. I met with crisis team. Had a bag packed, but anyway, they said no, and instead I was started on medication again. Next appointment in early 2023, was to be face to face, but then changed to telephone call. They said they may think about admission in March. I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I had tried anything, I said no.

I was too ill to make it to the face to face. Saw a Junior Doctor a month later, but they said the psychiatrist didn't think I needed to be admitted, Medication dose was increased. Call with Junior Doctor in June, same story. Then I was told by CPN they would push for a face to face - but then doctor was on holiday. My CPN was then off. Support worker had been cancelled as I wasn't able to see them. I hadn’t spoken to social work, since a call in May. Just once a week with chaplain, and a co-op order once a week.

Kept pushing for admission and kept being put off. No benefits - they were stopped, I couldn't speak on mobile, couldn't buy clothes, although I had some savings. No TV as it stopped working. My hair was all matted. As in 2022, I was suicidal, but hoped for admission. 2023, still trying to get help.

I was only getting washed when out with the chaplain, too scared in case I would do something at other times.

Before this I was clean, I had routine, I was sociable, good at cooking and cleaning, was planning to do some voluntary work, before they started changing my medications. You’re looking well, people said to me before.

I had been admitted previously in 2019/20. OT were great, while in got new stuff for house, was out on pass. Saw my brother I hadn't seen for a while, who said I was looking well. A shop worker had seen my dad - after I wrote a letter, saying I would be out December 19. Brother got a letter too. Anyway, told her about it, but I wasn't out till Feb 20. 

And then they changed my medications. I could have reconciled with my family, had I got home better in December 2021, as they had been trying to get in touch.