"Words really can not explain how much everyone has helped me"

I have suffered with anxiety and occasionally depression for a long time, but never plucked up the courage to see a medical professional about it. I just thought I could deal with it. Then found the older I seem to get; the worse it's been getting, making it increasingly more difficult to live with over the last few years. After being referred to a psychologist by my GP, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder 2 years ago. 

For as along as I can remember I have been extremely anxious and terrified around pregnancy, childbirth and post birth. As time has gone on this phobia has also got worse with age and probably due to having the anxiety disorder too.

I thought it would be impossible for me to ever have children due to this, but knew I would probably regret it later on in life. 

I am now in my mid-30s and knew if I was going to have children it would have to be soon.

I knew I would need to get help for my phobia but thought I would start trying to get pregnant until then, I was very lucky and got pregnant within a few months. 

I instantly felt terrified something would go wrong in pregnancy or be wrong with the baby instead of being happy about the pregnancy. 

At the first appointment with my midwife, Sophie, she was so friendly and understanding when I told her about my issues. I have always felt embarrassed feeling the way I do and have mostly kept it to myself or not gone into the full extent of my phobia to my friends or family; thinking people wouldn't understand but she did. She referred me to the MNPI team and to speak to obstetrician.

I had my obstetrician appointment, which I was really looking forward to as thought it would hopefully help with my anxiety around pregnancy and birth. Unfortunately this was not the case and it was an awful experience. I found the obstetrician very unsympathetic about my phobia/anxiety issues and quite rude. I left in floods of tears (which is not like me) and feeling more terrified than I already was.

I was in such a state I was unable to return back to work that day, I was just so upset with the way I had been treated when I was referred there due to having a phobia and anxiety. I thought I'd be leaving feeling better about everything not worse!

I hadn't heard from the MNPI team yet and my midwife was on holiday but knew I had to speak to someone about how I was feeling. So I phoned the MNPI receptionist and she could not have been nicer to me. She spoke to Shona from the MNPI team who phoned me not long after. Shona was brilliant, and instantly made me feel so much better after our conversation. I had multiple appointments with her and she referred me to the Head of Obstetrician Department to Dr Bandyopadhyay, as they knew he would be great with me.

She also gave me Rachel's number, who works in the theatre in case I had any concerns or questions before. Rachel was so lovely and really reassured me before and on the day.

From the first appointment I had with Dr Bandyopadhyay I left feeling so much better about everything. He was so apologetic about what had happened previously with the other obstetrician, and took my written complaint very seriously.

He went through all options regarding the birth and with his knowledge & advice I decided an elective c-section would probably be the best option. I had originally thought under a GA but decided against that when heard can be more risks to baby this way. He also said after first appointment, if it would be more helpful to me he could see me a few times before c-section so I got to know him a bit more. I thought that was so good of him and knew it would be beneficial to me so I did this, which helped me a lot.

On the week of c-section the date had to be moved twice, Dr Bandyopadhyay phoned me on the Tuesday to apologise about it, he really didn't want me being moved around. But I didn't mind I was just glad I was still getting him to do procedure. 

On the day of c-section he came to speak to me before and made sure I was ok.

Then to my surprise Shona appeared and said she wanted to be with me at the birth, it was so nice to see two familiar faces....it really helped getting to know them beforehand.

On the day of the c-section I was absolutely terrified and wish I had gone for it under GA. 

But everyone in the theatre was so friendly and made it such a nice experience, something I never imagined would be possible. 

Callum the anaesthetist was amazing, I was mostly worried about the spinal injection but I barely felt a thing. After that I instantly felt so much more relaxed. Throughout the operation he kept reassuring me and tried to make me as relaxed as possible.

Also the after care I received in recovery and in the ward was great. My baby was taken straight to neonatal for 24 hours after she was born and was looked after so well there.

Words really can not explain how much everyone has helped me and how much I appreciate everything they did for me and my baby girl.