"After my miscarriage, the SIMBA box meant so much"

I attended the EPAS with my husband after having some spotting at twelve weeks. I phoned on the Monday and was given a scan for Wednesday afternoon.

Sadly, I found out the pregnancy had ended in a missed miscarriage. The midwife sonographer briefly discussed all of the options and provided some leaflets. An appointment was rebooked for the following week to rescan. I can't remember the midwife's name because it is all such a blur but she was so kind and compassionate. I did not feel rushed or overwhelmed with information.

We were given one of the beautiful small SIMBA boxes. It meant so much that in a moment where your whole world is falling apart this little box full of keepsakes to remember your baby was so kindly made by a volunteer to help you grieve. We were also given a scan of our baby too. Whilst our baby had passed, that picture is the only scan we ever had of it and I am grateful.

I had a follow up call the following day. I decided that I would wait for the pregnancy to pass naturally or wait for a d&c if it did not as I didn’t want to be awake for MVA or take the tablets. Whilst MVA can be booked for the day after your rescan there is a waiting list for the d&c which you can't go on until the 2nd scan. Whilst I understand surgery has risks the thought of being awake for an MVA broke my heart.

As a nurse myself I know that there is a bed shortage and it's not really the EPAS fault at all that d&c isn't the prompt option it used to be. It's just hard because you feel so fragile and whilst you know at the time if your baby passes naturally you can't stop the process, the thought of being awake to take the tablets or go through the MVA was difficult because you yourself initiate that passing. I guess for some that may help grieving and be easier but for me at the time if the baby didn't pass naturally I just wanted to be put to sleep so that it would all be over with fast.

I ended up passing the baby naturally at home and whilst it was horrible, the midwife who provided the initial follow up call on what to expect did prepare me for it. The stories on the Miscarriage Association also helped too.

Me and my partner chose to bury the baby under a little tree we planted and actually put the little tiny baby blanket and teddy bears that came with the SIMBA box with it. I am eternally grateful to that volunteer who knitted that blanket because it was the perfect size to keep our baby warm and the teddy too, as every baby should have a bear.

At the follow up appointment I was grateful to hear that all of the tissue had passed. Every member of staff I met showed me and my husband compassion and kindness. They are all truly a credit to the NHS.

I hope that I return to this service under better circumstances. There was talk of a reassurance scan if I do try to fall pregnant again but for now I plan to heal.