"How it was then & how it is now after addiction"

My mum and dad were hardworking and provided well for their children. I remember going on lots of happy family holidays and spending quality time with my parents and siblings. So, my childhood, early days, and later days up to the age of 16 were better than average.

My problems started at the age of 16 when I foolishly allowed myself to try cannabis for the first time. A lot of my close friends were doing it, and I didn’t want to be an odd one out. So, I guess a little peer pressure was involved. I very quickly started using more and more, which affected my thoughts and behavior, but I enjoyed the way cannabis made me feel. Problems with my attitude and behavior started, and what I can now recognize as my first encounter with addiction. My life had changed, as had my relationship with my parents and my siblings. But what I didn’t realize at that time was that this was going to be a life-changing event.

Due to changes in my behavior, I was meeting new friends and losing old ones. A few of my lifelong friends I grew up with were on the same journey with me, yet looking back now, none of us were the happy kids we used to be. Most of the friends I grew up with are no longer with us. I was soon to be introduced to a 20 plus year relationship to intravenous drug use, involving many different drugs, including amphetamines and heroin. And it all started with one first injection, an injection that would change my life forever. I’d never been able to forgive the person that gave me that first injection until recently. I passed him begging in the street, bought him a coffee and a sandwich, talked to him for a while. He was in the same boat I’d been in but must never have found or wanted the support that I found. The addiction I encountered, starting from an early age, had led me deep into the darkness, and made me a person I never thought I would be, and never wanted to become.

When I was younger, I had dreams. None of them were ever fulfilled. My life since the age of 21 had become a rollercoaster of drugs, crime, prison, and broken relationships. Had I known what my life was about to become, I probably would have ended it then. I look back at my criminal record today with deepest regrets, for both my crimes and the victims of them. I finally freed myself from drug addiction after coming out of prison for shoplifting in 2001. I was living with a partner who was still in addiction. I helped her get clean as during my time in prison, I had vowed to myself that I was never going back, and I never have. I soon had a job and very soon after started my own business. My life was back on track.

My mum’s decision to cut me out of her life, showing tough love, meant I’d not spoken to her in 5 years. I myself was ready to have her back in my life, but only if she would allow it. After contacting her, she gave me her address and welcomed me home. Although my happy times with them were going to be short-lived, I lost my Dad in 2014 but was with him till the end. I helped my mum grieve his passing, which after 40 happy years of marriage, wasn’t easy for her. My partner and rock, who became my mum’s carer and best friend, found my mum dead in bed in July 2017 after breaking her hip and losing her mobility. My mum seemed to give up. I think my mum died of a broken heart. I was just glad I was able to free myself of addiction when I did, as I got the chance to be there for both of my parents at the end and many happy years before their deaths. Before they both passed away, they both told me how proud of me they were, and that brings me comfort to this day. In the 12 years previous to 2001, I was able to drink socially.

I held down my business and stayed clean, but after losing my parents, I started drinking more to numb my pain and regrets. I was lost. It was becoming clear to me that alcohol was becoming a problem, but I wasn’t ready to admit it. I still have an amazing strong partner who was slowly getting tired of my daily drinking. The same patterns from years before were slowly starting to emerge. So, in February 2022, we both went to CGL, a place I had used many years before during my drug addiction, although it was under a different name back then.

On entering reception, we were greeted with a smiling face. They helped me immediately by putting me in a detox unit where I stayed for 2 weeks. I came out feeling much better and started attending groups back at Inspire. I couldn’t believe how much CGL had changed. In October 2022, I had a relapse. I’d been doing so well. I’d not had a drink for 7 months, and I thought they weren’t going to help me a second time. My partner made an appointment at CGL Burnley, and again, I was greeted with open arms. I started attending groups again, and although it took till mid February 2023, my next detox was only 10 days, and at the time of writing this story, I’m 11 months sober. After trying AA on coming out of detox the first time, it seemed repetitive. So, after my second detox, I chose to stick around Inspire, doing groups, activities, and anything else offered. But I also go to the gym 3 times a week and love my hobby - fishing.