"Choice of words can negatively effect an experience"

I've chosen to write this as I reflected on my birth experience recently.

The allocated MW in the labour ward at altnagelvin hospital were everything you would want in a MW. They were person centred, compassionate and clearly had a love for their role.

The interaction detailed below consisted of a brief time frame in which my allocated MW were on break and I was provided with another to cover the break. During this time I expressed I felt like I was ready to give birth due to an increasing need to push and the intensity of contractions. Once I expressed this to the MW I was met with the following responses:

They told me to stop acting a martyr, I have hours left. Take the diamorphine I don't get a reward for being in pain. Then, no I don't have to push, I'll know about it when I do. And, also told me that if I am struggling now then I will really struggle when the time comes, seemingly rolling their eyes.

After consenting to the diamorphine she encouraged me to use the bathroom. I did and experienced what was noted as 'involuntary pushing' they asked how long I felt this way and told me to sit back down on the rocking chair. Within moments the previous midwife returned from her break and stated that I am ready to have this baby it looks. 

A senior midwifes also arrived as there was some minor concern with the baby's heart rate and they were brought in to assess. They loudly proclaimed that I was fully dilated and asked if nobody was aware of this. The originally allocated MW advised they had just returned from lunch and the MW covering break shrugged their shoulders. My baby was born safely around 10 minutes later.

Needless to say the diamorphine kicked in right around then and the first hour or two after my daughter was born was a blur. I don't remember it and all I remember was trying to stay awake as I was falling asleep mid conversation. I struggled trying to feed the baby and fell asleep with them in my arms. I feel the decision to administrator the diamorphine without an examination and the failure to recognise I was in the transition stage of labour resulted in me losing out on that valuable golden hour and bonding time.

Overall, I'd just like to emphasis the impact that choice of words can negatively effect an experience and the importance of listening to mums, regardless if they're first time or not. I don't want this raised as a complaint as I recognise that other factors may have contributed to the MW's approach i.e. work stress, personal stress, I was fairly quiet aswell and didn't speak up as much as I should have and I was advised I progressed faster than standard FTM.

On a positive note, It should be mentioned this was my only negative encounter, I had written s few formal complements after the birth and individually named the midwifes along with providing cards and gifts to show my gratitude.