"Has definitely helped me confront my fears and memories"

I have suffered with depression much longer than I realised. I initially realised (and admitted to myself) I had depression, along with anxiety, and as confirmed by talking to my doctor.

This was a strange mix of feelings and emotions in my 50s.

I had put up with the sadness and low moods, mainly as being a man, with children, as it would have been embarrassing and maybe project a weak look to myself. So I thought and would never talk about this, particularly to another man. So I carried on putting up with it until I couldn't any more.

I was put on antidepressants. Initially to no avail.

A few weeks after being on suicide watch at a  mental health unit, and then working with Living Well, as well as the continued support from my doctor, I was able to talk more about what was going on in my head. My depression and anxiety head was very strong and I found it nearly impossible to fight back, even though some days I tried, and some days couldn't be bothered. I often had suicidal thoughts, and so was again given different antidepressants 6 months after the first type, again, they weren't really helping me.

I continued with the up and down, days (as I still do) ..

My time at living well came to an end after about maybe 10 weeks. Meeting in local parks to talk. And yes, this did help me. I find nature holds a good feeling with me and am usually in my best state when surrounded by the trees, fields, animals etc..

3rd type of antidepressants now.. At the time I was then passed on to 6 Degrees and received an 8 week, one to one, talking session/course, which has just ended.

This, over the weeks, considerably made me realise, that a lot of my mental issues were trapped in my head, relating to mostly, childhood times. I had forgot so many things and talking to my therapist, they had actually opened my mind. Like unlocking thoughts and experiences that actually happened. That I had put to one side for whatever reason.. ... I did of course remember the beatings I received as these were not hard to forget. I just had many other unknown and locked away thoughts that some of them, I didn't know was there. I had though actually attempted suicide as a child, on numerous occasions and remembered /accepted this, after speaking with my therapist. Cried myself to sleep so many times. I must have had depression as a child. There was no one to talk to in my life then. My mother was a hard woman that beat us, with a leather belt, on the bare skin, sometimes for really minor things. My father died when I was 11. Although barely I knew him a year.. I knew I was sad as a child but as it was the 70s you tend to accept things more and had to be tougher and just get on with it.

I did leave home at 16, and thought I'd be happier alone in a flat, on my own, than I was at home. And I was.

I am not cured if that's the word. I still have down days but the better days are a comfort and nature, as said, lifts me..

Talking to 6 Degrees, along with the new medication, has definitely helped me confront my fears and memories and try to tackle them....