"I'm uncertain how long it will take me to recover from this experience"

To begin, I set off later than I would've preferred due to the overwhelming unwell feeling caused by severe anxiety surrounding the appointment for my first smear test. Nevertheless, I managed to leave with a 5-minute buffer to get to the practice on time. Unfortunately the roads were gridlocked due to an accident, making me 6 minutes late. I tried calling the practice several times to let them know about my delay but the phones were occupied. When I finally made it in, the check-in system wasn't cooperating, so it took another 5 minutes to speak with the member of staff on reception. Fortunately, they were kind enough to reschedule my appointment, and I was swiftly called in by the nurse.

I urgently needed to use the bathroom due to my unwell feeling and anxiety. So, as I walked into the nurse's office, I asked the nurse if it would be okay for me to go quickly before the test, as I believed it would make the test more comfortable for me. Instead of a simple yes or no, the nurse responded in what I felt was an irritated tone, reminding me that I was already 10 minutes late for my appointment. It really caught me off guard, and I was so anxious I was shaking at this point.

I apologised and asked the nurse to try and understand that this situation was incredibly stressful for me. They proceeded to tell me that I shouldn’t have been late, in what I felt was an angry tone, and continued to look irritated at me. I tried to explain how I’d been stressed about this for the past couple of days, how I felt physically sick all morning due to the anxiety, and how the road situation was out of my control. But all I got in response was for them to ask if I could just sit down. I had to ask once more if I could please use the bathroom. Reluctantly, they agreed.

After coming back, I apologised again for my lateness, and it was clear that the nurse was still very irritated at me, they were quick to point out that I should've given myself more time and told me that we'd have to rush through everything. Before getting on the table, I told the nurse I'd rather not have a detailed explanation of what they were going to do because I knew it would make me even more anxious. They seemed quite irritated by my request and insisted on the need for an explanation for consent. I tried to talk about my anxiety as a first-time patient going through this, but the nurse cut me off, repeating their disapproval of my tardiness and suggesting it would've given me more time to get comfortable if I’d gotten there on time. Any attempt to apologise, change the topic, or lighten the mood was met with either silence or more criticism for being late. When I left the nurse's office, I was in tears.

I was genuinely shocked by how unkind and unsympathetic this nurse was to me. The lack of patience and understanding made me feel unsafe and far more anxious than I'd anticipated. I'm now hesitant to ever have a smear test again, something I was already dreading. I can't help but worry about other patients who might go through a similar experience.

The reality is, the nurse didn't have to squeeze me in if those 10 minutes were such a hassle for them. There was no need for what I felt was the constant berating and belittling during a vulnerable and uncomfortable test. I'm uncertain how long it will take me to recover from this experience, I was teary eyed for the rest of the day, it left me feeling disgusting and caused me to lose sleep.