"It is not good enough"

I was admitted on the emergency surgical unit at Royal Cornwall Hospital, Treliske with severe lower right abdominal pain that spread across the centre of my belly and right side of my back. At first I thought I had a UTI but my urine came back fine. I was surprised! The surgeon in ED was concerned about appendix, hence I was admitted and put on to a course of IV antibiotics. The surgeons I spoke to were extremely helpful and very nice, as were the nurses/hcas on the ward.

The surgeons wanted me to go for a ct scan to get a clear picture of my abdomen. I have a lot of anxiety and cptsd from severe and enduring childhood trauma, (s/a for 10 years) which has led to claustrophobia from being locked in small spaces and being abused as a child. The first time I was taken down to CT I freaked out about the size of the machine and due to my anxiety the dye that they use. I couldn't go through with it, I ended up crying and panicking. I went back to the ward and had no problems with one of the kind doctors who came to see me and suggested we try with diazepam. I agreed. The next day I was given the diazepam (I was also on morphine for pain) but didn't give it enough time to work before taking me down (I routinely take diazepam for anxiety, so it does work, it just takes a little while longer) we got to the lift, I went on the bed this time and lost it at the lift (claustrophobic) and couldn't walk down the stairs because I was extremely light headed and felt sick too, so the diazepam was kicking in but not fully by that point.

I was taken back to the ward and a while later the consultant came to see me. They were very rude to me, told me there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm wasting people's time and taking away spaces from others who need scans. They said that I can be discharged and from their clinical judgment I'm fine. I then heard them say to colleagues that my ultrasound showed gallstones. Why they didn't say that to me, I don't know!

Anyway I told them I'd like the scan for peace of mind as I was (still am) in a lot of discomfort and that'd I would go back via ED.  They said that theyI feel very manipulated right now.  I mean, who says that to a patient with such severe anxiety?  They asked how I got up to the ward, I walked the stairs, they asked why I couldn't walk down to CT) this was because I had taken pain relief and diazepam. Anyway with that, they turned to  colleagues and said just to discharge her and they walked off.

Queue my mental health kicking in plus the drugs I'd had, I lost it completely. I got up, gathered my belongings and walked out. I got to the stairs and two Physiotherapists who happened to be walking the stairs, caught me as I fell, they continued to walk down the stairs with me because I was so wobbly, I was upset crying, they clocked the cannula still in me and tried to get me back to the ward. I was off to the nearest bridge because that's how I had been been made to feel, I didn't care about anything at that point because I was so upset with how I'd been spoken to and with my mental health, I go from 0 to 100 in less than a second. My mental health is very clearly documented as it is extensive as are previous od admissions.

Two lovely nurse from the ward rang my mobile, I was up by the range (I don't even know how I made it that far without passing out really) allegedly I was incoherent and in no fit state to be going anywhere and also I was still in a lot pain. They took me back to the ward in a wheelchair, and got me settled back in bed. They explained to me that the gallstones are likely causing biliary colic and gave me a leaflet on having the gallbladder removed. Why couldn't the consultant explain this, rather then setting me off and being so vile towards me. I believe that the nursing staff filed an incident report too. The staff on the ward tried sending me home on the bus late in the evening at the consultant's request but I was still in pain and still quite out of it still so I couldn't travel safely home and I knew that. Thankfully I was able to stay overnight to rest. The psychiatric liaison team came to see me on the ward for a chat the next day (I had gone in with an od too) they spoke to me for a little while and the was able to offer me a taxi home too.

I'm still in pain and I not entirely convinced that it's my gallbladder because I didn't get the CT scan that I needed to check properly (Don't forget my anxiety) which is setting off a lot of panic and worry.

The experience with the nurses, hcas and surgeons on the ward was fantastic. I think the consultant  could do with a lesson or two in bedside manner and how to speak to people appropriately, with respect and compassion. I'm obviously upset and I feel nothing will get done about it, of course, and I'm left in pain with no concrete answer as to why. Just "we think it's." It is not good enough.