"Made me feel like it was my fault"

I was under the crisis team's care last year due to being quite unwell.

Unfortunately I was assaulted by a stranger during this time and it made me feel extremely low and gave me thoughts of harming myself. I was told to phone the crisis team if I was struggling so I did.

Firstly, the nurse who answered the phone was a male. It is on my medical notes that I do not interact well with male professionals due to extensive previous trauma. At this time I especially didn't want to speak to a man due to what had just happened to me that day. I asked to speak to a female and the nurse told me that the female staff are busy, and that I could call back later and see if someone would be available or that I could speak to them.

I asked if a female nurse could call me when one was available to save me making repeated phone calls and tying up their line, but they said that it wasn't their job to do things like that and it would be my responsibility to call back and try to access a female staff member.

I feel as if this wasn't very trauma informed and my request for a female nurse wasn't unreasonable. The information on my notes about me working better with women is there for a reason. I am not just being difficult, male staff can make me feel very anxious and stressed when interacting with them.

I chose to speak to the male nurse which, looking back should have been a quite sensible and brave choice, had the staff member handled my situation sensitively, but he didn't.

I explained I had thoughts of self-harm & suicide, and he said that these thoughts were very common for me and that I should know how to handle them without calling the crisis team.

I explained that I had just been assaulted that night (the trigger for my episode) and he claimed that it didn’t sound like a mental health problem, and to call back when I was experiencing a mental health problem. I know that being assaulted is not in itself a mental health problem, but I told him because it was the trigger for my mental health problems getting worse in that moment.

I felt he said many unhelpful things such as that I could see this as a learning opportunity, and could I think of ways that I could have prevented it from happening. These are awful victim blaming things to say when someone has experienced an assault. He brought up my risky behaviours as examples as to how I was not keeping myself safe, as if this somehow justified a person assaulting me because I was putting myself at risk. I shouldn't have to convince a professional that the assault is never the fault of the victim, regardless of what they were doing before the assault happened.

This incident with the man from the crisis team left me feeling even lower and more hopeless, I felt blamed for what had just happened to me. I would never speak to any victim of assault like that, and I would expect a far more compassionate and sensitive response from a mental health professional.

As far as I am aware, the member of staff who acted this way towards me is still working for the crisis team and I worry about their interactions with other women like me who have experienced traumatic events. Luckily, I am quite resilient and sturdy and have been able to move past what he said to me, but others may not have the awareness to understand his views in my opinion are vile, misogynistic and victim blaming, I worry it could lead to them blaming themselves and sinking even lower.

I believe this staff member should have to take a mandatory training course on trauma informed practice, with particular focus on women's trauma issues.

A truly horrible interaction.