"Mixed birth"

Really lovely assessment unit staff, the midwives took the time to introduce themselves and quite honestly left me to it until my water broke, I got admitted a day before natural birth because the labour pain was unbearable. They were kind and kept me dosed enough that I was coping. 

Apparently I went from being 1-2cm for a day to less than 1cm and my water breaking. Waddleld to the lift in pain and a lot of getting shouted at to sit straighter, not lie down, even though it was just pain wracking my back. Not a conscious choice. I found the L&D patronising about my sensory issues, at one point someone brought through a fan but said I couldn't have it on. Kept insisting on G&A when I'd already said it was too warm and nauseating me. Couldn't tell me what medication I was on when transferring notes, so asked me to spell medicine names while baby had started making their way out. Ignored when I said I had to push the first few times, I just paced back and forth to the loo (4 steps) while they seemed to be burying their noses in paperwork. 

Hushed and shushed repeatedly and condescended to that I should remember my breathing and that I wasn't getting any pain relief because baby was ages away and I was making a fuss. The next comment I remember was that they could see hair. Apparently it was too late for pain relief. 

The whole time insisted on monitoring equipment, even after my consent had been withdrawn and a member of staff held it to my stomach because, funnily enough, when your baby is leaving your body gets smaller. I asked them not to repeatedly because the heat and pressure from their hand was hurting my brain. 

They proclaimed the fetal HR was slowing and that they needed ventous. My partner is a witness that the staff pushing a monitor into me said heart beats fine! After they had started, as they had lost contact. The heart itself leaving my body, along with the rest of my tiny person, who was fine. It's still on my notes that no/low fetal HR, even though that wasn't the case and apgars were 9@1 and 10@5 allegedly... which doesn't give the impression of a critical HR drop but yet it's still on my notes? 

They left shortly after birth and came back in with toast, to ask my partner to leave. They did this repeatedly, while he was working out a lift home, apparently they were in a rush to get me upstairs again. When he gathered his stuff and got ready they acted surprised and like they weren't sure there was a bed for me yet. 

Thank god, when they moved me and baba back up to assessment I was assigned the most amazingly kind and patient midwife. They were so reassuring and helped me so much, let me do what I could and helped immensely where I couldn't. By teatime I was home with little one. 

I seriously debated not posting this, it's personal, its painful and they made me feel ashamed for hurting. Made me consider unassisted home birth for the next one.