"Hospice care"

My mum was an ex nurse. There were a few kind nurses but when my mum asked for pain relief and she was told the nurses were at their tea and they would be there shortly. Mum said sorry and they didn’t come back for at least an hour.

My dad was in hospice day and sometimes overnight too. They said they didn’t want to disturb them but you’d ask if he needed help. While my mum was still able to eat and drink they weren’t offering drinks and food. My dad has leukaemia and nursed her so well.

When we checked the charts all boxes has been ticked saying liquids given.The final straw for us was when the staff and nurses were celebrating the 75 anniversary of the NHS. They had piles of cakes quiches, scones, sweet treats all piled up on trolleys and plates for celebrations. They were taking place in what we were told was a family room. We were made to feel very unwelcome and they said we could use the kitchen but the family room was being used for their celebrations. Which was fine. We had only popped out of mum's room to give her privacy when she was being turned. We had to say something when staff all sat down to eat and nothing had been offered to my mum and they were celebrating in family room. 

One saw me take a pic through the glass as I couldn’t believe it. They said can I help you. I said yes you certainly can. You’re all sitting eating and haven’t offered my mum even a drink today . The staff member said they had done and that a young voice from mum's room had said she didn’t want anything Who was the young voice? My mother certainly couldn’t be classed as young and voice not strong enough.  We had only stepped out while the blinds were down for mum. If a staff member had seen staff dealing with mum they would have come back.

When I asked they said rather guiltily that what they were saying was true. And spent lots of time chatting to appease my dad but there was no effort to give her food and drink. Even though charts were marked from memory through the stay. The nurse I spoke to was supportive of her staff member but I told her about pain relief and lack of care and was told it was because my dad was there and he needed to ask for help. He’s a proud independent man in his eighties and won’t ask for help  - you’re nurses and you’re letting them down

There were a few wonderful nurses that were conscientious. They didn't seem to have been invited to party!! Then I was told I’d upset a nurse as I was accusing them of not doing their job correctly. It was completely turned round on me! I said if they were doing their job correctly (conscientiously) there would be no need to feel upset.

After that day suddenly we got much better care but when going through this one shouldn’t have to have words with staff. I was courteous, kind and calm through my chat but I did want some answers as did my poor father. I asked if this is how it’s done in a hospice., you take away food and water? I have friends who work in another hospice and it’s a lovely cosy environment. That’s not what we received.

On mum's last night we had a younger nurse who dealt with us. She was kind and professional. That’s all you want from care .